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Not Engaged

@notengaged

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hi. im not engaged but im ok i promise. follow the adventures of my unwed left hand. © #blessed

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when ur #notengaged readin about how in ancient rome during lupercalia (feb14) they’d slap u with goat hide and pick ur name out of a jar and u’d have to date that guy for the rest of the year so if ur at all feelin sad today just know if those traditions stuck john from IT could have picked ur name out of some yeti cooler and u would have to listen to talk about NFTs for 365 days i mean really u have it made chickpea #blessed xo make urself a pizza and go sleep! by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged and ur not outside in the rain but u have that view of the only jewels u need this #newyearseve and whatever ur doin whether it’s pajamas or clubs (autocorrected to cubs twice because my phone knows i’ve never been to one) i hope u dance at midnight and celebrate ur year and eat some cheese and just have the best time and don’t kiss anyone named steve i swear to god #blessed ur gonna rock next year im already so proud of u xo taken in Times Square, New York City by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged gettin all cozied up for christmas and u have your slippies and ur champs🥂 and extra cash crumpled at the bottom of ur purse because u don’t need to buy dan another playstation because dan doesn’t exist. that money can go to snacks!!! but don’t tell the couples that the holidays r better single, ok? don’t ruin the magic for them, they still believe!!!

shout out to everyone at the nail salon this morning. mid manicure the power went out (before the storm even arrived!) and they panicked because it’s easily their busiest day of the year. everyone whipped out their phone flashlights. the health food store next door let all the gel ladies set in there cuz they had power. everyone tipped extra. it was a beautiful holiday spirit and i hope u have a great one xoxo by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged traipsin around dear ole london town. and ur like, u know, when people ask what i want in a husband, it’s london. orderly and polite. constantly providing scones and tea. someone u visit for fun once a year. perfect. #blessed taken in London, United Kingdom by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged strollin the seine watchin the sunset with a bottle of wine and a book and the couples around u r like “look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question” and ur like yes continue singing about me u r all extras in the musical of my life. #blessed by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged in paris but shh don’t tell anyone that might be illegal here but what isn’t illegal is eating ur weight in cheese while the crowd around u starts to applaud and ur like “thanks yes i can get wine open with my keys” and it turned out if *was* for a couple getting engaged but i can have my moment too thnx #blessed taken in Paris, France by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged and messed up the mani before the newlywed couple in front of u could tell the newlywed couple in front of them how much THEIR flowers cost and u wouldn’t even believe. and now we’re all gonna travel to the same city and then all the newlywed couples everywhere will be stuck in an endless loop talking about flowers, penniless and trauma stricken, while u always get a table cuz they can always stick one more person somewhere. they just can. #blessed any guesses where i b. by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged and u sit down to a lil solo meal u whipped up and shoot ugh im supposed to take the photo before i eat ugh i always do this, if only i had a beau to remind me. wait no not a beau a post it. im all mixed up today. okay im off to find my one true office supply xoxo #blessed (im only noticing after the fact-the proportions look totally insane. like yea do i have oversized wine glasses from which i like to drink seltzer 💯 but that is a large bowl and normal sized utensils whatever u all get it) (ps the pasta was really good) by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged and u run into a mermaid who is like “omg i’ve got a great catch 4u because he’s single and ur single and lol cute!!” and ur like “he’s been finsplaining nft’s and hoggin all the tostitos” and then u quietly grab a few extra rations and make a dive to the nearest deserted island and u live out ur days as a siren on the shore luring to the rocks all who dare try to bring my financial and life plans astray #blessed omg tho honestly id love to be a siren these days 🚨 🚨 🚨 by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged and ur in ur easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it,
u will be the grandest lady in the easter 🐣 parade but u won’t be letting some hubs march w/ u i mean u won’t even be able to find ur sneakers in time just leave them in the same spot use a closet omg and im sorry but i am on the MOVE #blessed happy spring xo don’t share ur chocolate bunnies by @notengaged

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4 years ago

when ur #notengaged but u r irish and that’s grand but please don’t kiss me because im really just focused on my career right now and also u led with “im steven, with a v” well im mary with a yyyy r u talkin to me. #blessed happy st. patrick’s day!!! ☘️ by @notengaged

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5 years ago

when ur #notengaged on this lil valentine monday and ur so grateful u can stay home and just de-pill all ur sweaters with a bag of milanos. best date ever. and it’s dates like these that r my favorite. there r cookies. u get to bust out ur favorite clothes. the other person doesn’t exist. it’s perfect. #blessed happy monday chickpeas! by @notengaged

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5 years ago