a year ago
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Posted On: April 11th 2025, 03:23 am
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I’m finally ready 🙃
Before I get into the thank you’s and what this day meant to me, I have to share the beautiful work @byneel_patel put together three months ago that I’m just sharing now.
@djillestdoitall told me that I’d know when I’m ready without pressuring me to think about a specific timeline. He hasn’t brought it up once but I’ve thought about it. Why can’t I just get my shit together?!
I don’t even know how many times I’ve been “depressed” since this day. I could probably look at the printouts of the months with my smilie faces to track my moods daily. I could probably ask my therapist and psych provider their assessment on how they would describe what these past three months looked like.
To me it was a lot of ups and downs. But what’s most important are the moments, seasons, days, even weeks when I felt grounded. When I felt like I could trust myself. I 1000% trusted God. Not that I didn’t trust God during the highs and lows but I definitely forgot to pray sometimes during the ups and I prayed even more during the sadness.
Mental health is weird. The idea of “good” and “bad” is weird. Stability is always what we are working towards. I’ve had to cancel events. Back out of projects I was excited about. I’ve brought out my art supplies. I’ve put them all away. I’ve trusted myself. I’ve doubted myself. And I’ve created a lot of art.
I shared on my story recently that this past weekend with sanu and @dannykulasik lit me up in a way I felt disconnected from. It didnt feel like that intoxicating high that I’ve gotten so used to the past five years. The high I’ve been chasing. The addiction to the hype girl. The addiction to the feeling of producing art, creating space and connecting with people I’m inspired by.
It’s complicated and yet so simple.
If you resonate, please keep going. Every time I get really low, I think about my three family members that lost their lives way too early. They should be here right now and so I will take my meds, focus on what I have on my plate, go to therapy, schedule my psych appts and finally go see a long Covid neurologist.
I don’t know if you’re ever fully ready. But you’re def worth it.
Before I get into the thank you’s and what this day meant to me, I have to share the beautiful work @byneel_patel put together three months ago that I’m just sharing now.
@djillestdoitall told me that I’d know when I’m ready without pressuring me to think about a specific timeline. He hasn’t brought it up once but I’ve thought about it. Why can’t I just get my shit together?!
I don’t even know how many times I’ve been “depressed” since this day. I could probably look at the printouts of the months with my smilie faces to track my moods daily. I could probably ask my therapist and psych provider their assessment on how they would describe what these past three months looked like.
To me it was a lot of ups and downs. But what’s most important are the moments, seasons, days, even weeks when I felt grounded. When I felt like I could trust myself. I 1000% trusted God. Not that I didn’t trust God during the highs and lows but I definitely forgot to pray sometimes during the ups and I prayed even more during the sadness.
Mental health is weird. The idea of “good” and “bad” is weird. Stability is always what we are working towards. I’ve had to cancel events. Back out of projects I was excited about. I’ve brought out my art supplies. I’ve put them all away. I’ve trusted myself. I’ve doubted myself. And I’ve created a lot of art.
I shared on my story recently that this past weekend with sanu and @dannykulasik lit me up in a way I felt disconnected from. It didnt feel like that intoxicating high that I’ve gotten so used to the past five years. The high I’ve been chasing. The addiction to the hype girl. The addiction to the feeling of producing art, creating space and connecting with people I’m inspired by.
It’s complicated and yet so simple.
If you resonate, please keep going. Every time I get really low, I think about my three family members that lost their lives way too early. They should be here right now and so I will take my meds, focus on what I have on my plate, go to therapy, schedule my psych appts and finally go see a long Covid neurologist.
I don’t know if you’re ever fully ready. But you’re def worth it.
Comments (78)
a year agodjlokari
This is so beautiful thank you all so much for including me in this. Looking forward to sharing more spaces with you all in the future.
a year agoveena.tharayil
SHE READY SHE READY SHE READY!!! 🔥🔥🔥 What a fun and beautiful day!! Im so honored you thought to invite me and I’m grateful I got to experience your show! Love you sis!!! 🫶🏾✨
a year agonikstephney
I’m still telling people about this dope experience. Thank you for being willing to share yourself!
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