this angel moth is one of my favourite things I’ve made in a very long time. it is dark and soft and beautiful, like my inner world, the place I have been cocooning for the past year.
one year ago, my dad was diagnosed with too-late cancer, marking the start of a life season defined by tending, shedding, and transforming in the most uncomfortable of ways. his death in October initiated me into the realms of death and dying, and has been a gift in revealing how sacred grief work is, how called I am to it, and how deep that well goes (all the way down). his death was a gust of wind that flung open the gates to a lifetime of grief I had not permitted myself to feel, that I didn’t even have conscious words for. it has given me more access to joy and spirit on some days, and on others, left me absolutely lost in trying to comprehend absence and transcendence. how can a relationship change when someone goes back to being pure soul? what do we do with the unspoken words, the lingering anger and love and regret?
my grief process has been mostly to hide, to get the fuck offline, to crawl into myself, into this dark and beautiful world that I created as a melancholy child. in this place I have been wondering and learning and integrating so much, but too much time here has also left me feeling alone, disconnected from community— which has been a loss of a different kind.
what I am feeling with this leo eclipse, pristinely reflected in today’s cards of the high priestess and 3 of cups (bless synchronicity, bless symbols), is that none of us are meant to walk through life alone; especially not the hardest and most painful parts. these universal thresholds are meant to be crossed in community, so that we can hold, love, and learn from each other. my way of showing up has always been making art, holding space, and sharing vulnerably, and I have been so muted to the world this year that I forgot that. this eclipse has asked me to remember, and to begin the process of emerging from my cocoon. so thank you moon, thank you sun, and thank you dear friend for reading what is in my heart today. <3
3 months agoverocoya
Thank you for sharing what is in your heath beautiful one ❤️ your tenderness is sacred and meaningful to read and feel
3 months agoillicitchemicals
Life is a sequence of twists and turns, trying to stay afloat the river of life. The currents and the wind move us forward. Everything is temporary but love, the spirit, and connection. When the road gets dark the heart will heed the light. When it gets scary the spine will carve the path. When it gets low the mind will carry the flame. What matters most in times of grief is the ability to reflect, grow, and stay in the impermanence. The glow of life sways, and may dimmer, but it never extinguishes, even in the evanescence of experience, existence, and time. We will all get through the trials and tribulations the world offers us, and come back stronger on the other end. Good to have you in my life, Amber.
3 months agofxd1303
Thanks for sharing your personal reflection, very thoughtful. “Life happens while we plan for the future” Death and dying are part of life. So too is grief. I’ve liked the Buddhist notion that it is a journey of one thousand days. Death has been part of my life experience, punctuating it from time to time, sometimes unexpectedly other times inevitably like when my older brother died from cancer or my mum’s long suffering with Alzheimers. The lesson learned is make sure to live in the present, to tell those you love that you love and appreciate them, to be present. To another creative, art is important to us, a means of expressing who we are, so keep on that journey too. It can help with the grief. Over the recent years I have been reminded of my changing body and vulnerability, I’m closer to the end than the beginning, best to get on doing the things I want to do. The past month I have been resurrecting the home studio and look forward to getting back into my art practice - watch this space! Grief bubbles to the surface at odd times, it visits in a song or tune, a memory, a smell, an image or maybe at someone’s death. Just go with your feelings. Sorry for your loss. Take care, be kind to yourself, love yourself! Be present 💝 Slainte☘️
3 months agojoannehewko
Sending you so much love Amber , you are a beautiful, thoughtful, sensitive human. I am so grateful to know you and how you experience your life.
3 months ago_shay.moon_
Always here for you, my dear friend ❤️ grief is something we aren't good at navigating in our society - we shy away from the feeling itself, from others, from being in community when we are grieving. People fear death and so don't know how to talk about it. I love you in all your emotional states, and am always here to be with you no matter how hard or immense the feeling ❤️
3 months agocatlynefabletattoos
Beautiful Amber. Grief is a hard thing to put into words, you did such an eloquent job of articulating your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes the people that show up to hold space and experience that process with you, are the last people you would expect. Death is a portal of transformation on many levels, welcome back and I wish all the open arms to receive you!
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