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Peggy Orenstein

@pjorenstein

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I write about teen sexuality, girls’ development, princess culture, worldwide travel and shearing sheep. Because I’ve got layers.

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@shafiazaloom is always brilliant and her latest book, just in time for the new school year, could not be more urgent.

Grounded in real-life scenarios she’s gathered from across the United States, “Getting Real” focuses on the “in-between” moments of school life — hallways, passing periods, recess, lunch rooms, digital spaces — where young people are constantly learning about relationships, identity and sexuality.

“Getting Real” offers educators and parenting adults concrete language and strategies for responding to K-12 students with care, love and affirmation rather than fear, shame and avoidance. It is ultimately about connection and the capacity to love and be loved, as individuals and in community.

The book also addresses the very real challenges adults face in this work, offering . practical approaches and evidence-based research to help manage resistance and navigate professional security.

At its heart “Getting Real”is about teaching young people to cultivate mutual respect, care, dignity and joy in sustained relationships, whether romantic and/or sexual or neither. The goal is not simply about healthier students, but young people who can contribute to a more compassionate, thoughtful, and kind society. by @pjorenstein

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21 days ago

Okagesama De, part two, with grief and gratitude.

January, 1982. Barely twenty years old, a Midwestern girl oh-so-new to New York City. Bought my subway token, boarded the train to 14th St. then walked to a doorway next to the original Kiehl’s on Third Avenue—still an apothecary then, with motorcycles and an airplane in the back, selling herbs and tinctures to witches along with that body lotion I couldn’t afford. Up the stairs, to the book-stuffed, boho apartment of Robin Morgan, Kenneth Pitchford and their 12-year-old son Blake. I’d never seen anything like it. I’d never met anyone like her.

That was my first day as an intern/research assistant on her anthology “Sisterhood is Global.” The experience would change my life and set its course.

Robin was a brilliant, radical, fierce and uncompromising artist and activist. My heart is heavy today, and also full of gratitude. Rest in power, Robin. by @pjorenstein

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a month ago

I have been reading the posts by my women writer peers about how Gloria Steinem personally supported them. It reminded me of a Japanese phrase, “okage sama de,” that I’ve heard translated as “I am who I am because of you.”

I also am who I am because of Gloria Steinem.

I think that is true for all of us, writer or not; she was one of our era’s most influential people. But I am pretty sure that I would not have become a writer or done the work I have done had she not paved the way.

Even more directly, I spent a semester interning for Robin Morgan at Ms. when I was twenty years old (during the time when the pic below was taken), often sitting at a desk outside of Gloria’s little office, watching and learning and absorbing. We occasionally corresponded over the years; she was always so very kind, generous and encouraging Anyone who came in contact with her, as we’ve seen, says the same.

Gloria was an icon and a role model and a fighter and a true mensch (that is actually genderless word, BTW). She rocked the world.

Also, where are all the streets and schools named for her? Let’s go! by @pjorenstein

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a month ago

At @mrsdalloways on Saturday, Peggy Orenstein surprised me by having the audience read GO THE FUCK TO COLLEGE to me, a page per person…. starting in the front row, with my kids. Which was a dream come true for them. by @pjorenstein

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4 months ago

Books I’ve read lately:

@bonniecomfortauthor ’s memoir raises so many themes from “Girls & Sex” but from a later point in the lifespan. There are power struggles and sexual secrets but also joy and love. You want her to leave, you want her to stay; you want her to stand up, but understand why she can’t. This is a rare, brave glimpse into the workings of a complicated marriage.

In “The New Rules of Women’s Health” @meghanrabbitt explains it all to you, and I do mean it all—mental health and physical well-being, the latest science (remember science?!) on how our bodies are different than male bodies and why, from heart disease to Alzheimer’s, that matters. From puberty to menopause and everything in between and beyond, this book has you covered.

I am such a huge @mimi.pond fan and I am such a huge Decca Mitford fan and the two together? Yes, please! This graphic novel is utterly absorbing, incredibly dramatic and, really, gobsmackingly brilliant. Great to sink into on a late summer afternoon! by @pjorenstein

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a year ago

Busan, Korea is one of ny favorite cities. I wrote about it awhile back for AFAR and they invited me to chat about it for their podcast. Check it out (link in bio) and seriously, Busan is the best!!! by @pjorenstein

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a year ago

One of @dansavage ‘s readers wanted to know whether she was experiencing certain rougher sexual behaviors because of her red hair. Dan asked @debbyherbenick and me what we thought. And while we agree she may be hypersexualized because of her hair, that’s probably not the reason for the choking, spitting etc. There’s a link to the column in my bio and after you read it, check out Debby’s book “Yes, Your Kid” for thoughts on how to have a conversation with your teen/emerging adult. by @pjorenstein

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a year ago

The film Steven is executive producing, @diamondiplomacy by filmmaker @yurikoromer , is the lead of @galbeckerman ’s outstanding Atlantic story on the destruction of the National Endowment of the Humanities and the attack on intellectual inquiry (link in bio). 85% of NEH grants have been cancelled and every state’s humanities council gutted. Funds are being reallocated to a statue garden of 250 people Trump deems as “American heroes.”

“...this act clarifies, in surprisingly concrete terms, the vision of American culture that the administration wants to bring to life—and the one it seems determined to destroy.” by @pjorenstein

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a year ago

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a year ago

I found out my cancer was back 12+ years ago while sitting on a pool deck waiting for Daisy to finish swim practice. As impossible as it sounds, I can precisely picture my facial expression at that moment—the blank fear in my eyes, the tightening around my mouth—as if watching myself from the outside. I hung up the phone and blurted out the news to the three moms sitting next to me. One of them, whom I’d never met before, waved her hand. “Oh, don’t worry. A friend of mine had that and she got rid of it with cod liver oil.” Two thoughts ricocheted through my mind: “Slap her” (not proud, just being honest) and “Walk away.” I walked away.

Some thoughts:

1) I have made it 28 years since my first diagnosis and more than a dozen since my recurrence. I have nothing to complain about.

2) I am alive because of the type of breast cancer I had (less aggressive, responsive to hormone treatment) and because of advances in science. There are a lot of frustrations, limits, controversies and miles to go with cancer treatment but still: Thank you, evidence-based medicine.

3) People all across the political spectrum can have dangerous, punitive and whacked out ideas about medical treatment. Some of those people are currently in charge and are suggesting cod liver oil rather than vaccinations for measles. It is infuriating.

4) Unintended consequences: I had to have a mastectomy the second round and my breast was reconstructed from my belly fat. That means that regardless of whether I ever do another crunch in my life, my stomach is permanently as flat as a teenage boy’s. However, since the fat doesn’t know it’s been moved, when I gain or lose weight my left breast expands and contracts accordingly. Also they had to make a new belly button which still looks weird and in the wrong place to me. Sorry if that is TMI, but I like to demystify.

5) If you were born after 1957 and vaccinated for measles before 1968 ask your doctor whether you need another shot. You may have been undervaccinated and no longer have immunity. You can get a blood test to check, or just revaccinate. If you were pregnant at some point and carrying to term, they may have tested you then. by @pjorenstein

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2 years ago

It’s February and time to think about love. Maybe not the feeling that is foremost in your heart right now, but it the strongest force we have.

And young love? When I was writing “Girls & Sex” I pointed to the Dutch model of how to approach teenage romance. The thing that people focused on was that, under certain circumstances, the Dutch allow sleepovers. But that decision derives form something larger: taking teenage love seriously, recognizing its power, its value, and how formative (and transformative) those relationships can be. Do you remember your first crush? Of course you do. Do you remember the first time you fell in love? Of course you do. What about your first heartbreak? You bet!

Lisa Phillips has thought deeply about those early experiences of the heart, and written a beautiful book, “First Love,” out this week. It will help you support the young people in your life through the highs and lows of healthy, mutual, joyous and sometimes painful relationships. You may even learn a thing or two yourself! by @pjorenstein

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2 years ago

I’ve finished a lot of projects lately! Ginger models the droplet blanket (@purlsoho). Goes with the orange and grayscale theme of my office. Also looks good with her fur. by @pjorenstein

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2 years ago