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Megan Devine

@refugeingrief

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Author - psychotherapist - human
It’s Ok that You’re Not OK
Private sessions / groups / consultations

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Has the physical nature of grief surprised you? 😯

To understand how to better tend your grief, it helps to know about the mental & physical changes that come with intense loss.

#GriefSupport #GriefEducation #LosingAParent #Widowed #PetLoss #GriefJourney by @refugeingrief

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9 months ago

Acknowledgment is the best medicine we have for grief. It doesn't seem like it should do anything, but when somebody is in pain and you look at them and you say, "I see you," that's medicine. ⁣
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It’s so much harder to say, “This sucks, and there’s nothing I can do. But I’m here, and I love you,” rather than offer those standard words of comfort. It’s so much harder, and so much more useful, loving, and kind.
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Pain is hard. Being alive will break your heart – in small ways, in large ones, in irreparable ones. And that’s okay. That you hurt when life hurts doesn’t make you wrong. You don’t need to be “cheered up.”⁣ You just need to be heard. It’s that simple.

You can’t heal someone’s pain by trying to take it away from them. Acknowledgement of pain is a relief. How much softer this all becomes when we are allowed to tell the truth.⁣
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What are some things you've heard that made you feel ACKNOWLEDGED? In grief or otherwise. Acknowledgment is a skill — seeing what other people say can help add to your own library.

#GriefSupport #GriefEducation #LosingAParent #Widowed #PetLoss by @refugeingrief

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2 months ago

You aren't the person you were before. What now? Losing someone you love can rock your whole way of understanding the world.

We discuss the challenges of life after loss in my monthly #GriefSupport group. Comment GRIEF CLINIC and we'll send you the link.

We meet every 4th Thursday. Sessions are recorded for later viewing by group members.

#FindingMeaning #LosingAParent #Widowed #PetLoss #GriefJourney by @refugeingrief

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9 months ago

Have you noticed that most people seem to think the main task of grief is to stop feeling it? In so many ways we're taught that grief should be contained, silenced, and put behind you - the faster the better.

But what grief REALLY needs is to be felt. The more you allow your grief space to exist, the easier it is to carry.

The Writing Your Grief 30 day e-course gives you the space to tell the truth about your life & your loss.

Comment WYG and we'll send you the link to get started now. Or gift the course to someone else!

#GriefWriting #CreativeWritingPrompts #LivingWithGrief #GrievingProcess by @refugeingrief

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a day ago

Grief lasts as long as love lasts.
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When my partner died, one of the best things somebody said to me was, with a loss of this magnitude, "just happened" can be 8 days ago as much as it can be 80 years ago.⁣⁣⁣

Matt and I used to read obituaries in the Sunday papers, just for the heck of it. I remember one for a woman who died in her 90s and her family wrote about how she always missed her infant who died 70 years ago.

Part of our culture, especially our clinical culture, would look at somebody who's still thinking about their baby who died 70 years ago and think there's something wrong with them.

Our cultural, familial, and personal repression of pain and sadness — and our inability to respond to that pain with skill and kindness — has helped create epidemics of depression, anxiety, substance use, interpersonal violence, and other challenges.

These are all side effects of pain that has not been tended.⁣⁣⁣ When you’re not allowed to tell the truth about your grief, that pain doesn’t go away, it finds other ways to speak.⁣⁣

The way that I look at is we carry our losses with us.

That doesn't mean that we're pathological or that we're doing things wrong. It means that we are connected and related to each other and we carry those relationships with us.

We all need a place where we can tell the truth about how hard this is.

The 30-day Writing Your Grief e-course gives you the space to tell the truth about what it’s like to be you - without the need to sugarcoat it or censor yourself to protect other peoples’ feelings.

Comment WYG and we'll send you the link.

#GrievingProcess #GriefSupportGroup #MedEducation #MentalHealthHelp by @refugeingrief

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3 days ago

Nothing can prepare you for the sudden, specific silence at home after you’ve lost your person.

We discuss all sorts of ways that grief impacts your daily life in my monthly #GriefSupport group. Comment GRIEF CLINIC and we'll send you the link.

We meet every 4th Thursday, and sessions are always recorded for later viewing.

#LivingWithGrief #MissingYouSoMuch #GriefSupportGroup by @refugeingrief

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4 days ago

Grief affects our daily lives in so many ways that we created this tongue-in-cheek grief bingo card.

How many of these things have happened in your life? What would you put on your own Grief Bingo card? Let us know in the comments.

#GriefSupportGroup #LivingWithGrief #TherapyTools by @refugeingrief

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8 days ago

How has death impacted your family dynamics?

Everyone grieves differently. It's hard enough feeling out what you want to do (or not do) for yourself without having to juggle other peoples’ opinions & needs.

We discuss how to navigate the challenges that come up with extended family during my monthly #GriefSupport group. Comment GRIEF CLINIC and we'll send you the link.

We meet every 4th Thursday, and sessions are always recorded for later viewing.

#GriefSupportGroup #FamilyDynamics #BoundariesAreBeautiful by @refugeingrief

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10 days ago

If you’ve found yourself here, in this life you didn’t ask for, in this life you didn’t see coming - I’m sorry. I can’t tell you it will all work out in the end. I can’t tell you things will be just fine.

The first weeks and months after an intense loss are a world unto themselves. Few things bring comfort. Words of intended comfort just grate. Knowing (or being told) that this won’t last forever isn’t really helpful.

The early days are not the time for future plans or even for reflection on what’s going on. Survival has a very small circumference: minute by minute, sometimes.

Here are 8 simple rules from my own early days to help yourself survive impossible times.⁣⁣

While these are the highlights from my personal list, the most supportive rules or guidelines for this time will come out of your own experience. You know yourself best.

The core parts of you, the ways you care for yourself, the ways you find solace and connection – these have not completely changed, though they may feel irrelevant.

Adding to this list, or creating a whole new one of your own, might give you just the tiniest road-map inside a wholly disorienting time.

How about you - if you’re currently close to impact, what are some things you find useful? Are there ways you anchor yourself? Rules that help guide you? Let us know in the comments.

If you feel you’ve passed through that initial time, can you look back and see what helped? Tell us about that too.

#SelfCareIsHealthCare #MentalHealthHelp #LivingWithGrief by @refugeingrief

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11 days ago

When you're grieving, Halloween and the weeks leading up to it can be painful in ways that non-grieving people rarely think about.

The first Halloween season after Matt drowned, I eyed the neighborhood decorations with deep scorn. I was horrified at the surface death imagery. I kept thinking of all the people I knew for whom images of death are not kitsch.

What really got me that first year was the vast disconnect between this party-like atmosphere around all things death, and most peoples’ real life aversion to actual death.

I prefer the seasonal roots of this holiday - a time to turn to those who are gone, to feel into the love we shared, and the love that remains.

Want to join a community of grievers who talk about this sort of thing? Check out my monthly grief support group on Patreon. Comment GRIEF CLINIC and we'll send you the link.

#GriefEducation #GriefSupportGroup #NormalizeGrief #MedEducation by @refugeingrief

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15 days ago

Do you have people in your life who don’t deserve to know about your grief or who you’ve lost?⁣⁣
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I’m talking about the people who might respond to this delicate information with the skill of a raging elephant – stomping around, asking questions, or worse – brushing it off like it was no big thing.⁣⁣

When I first moved to the West Coast, I shared my widowed status easily – with people I would never see again.

The man at the door at that estate sale? He mentioned the woman holding the sale was a widow. I said, “I am too.”

The workers training for fast water rescues down where I took the dog for walks? No problem: “Thank you for your work. My husband died in a river just like this. Thank you for being here.”⁣⁣
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These days, I’m more likely to state the fact of Matt’s death as a personality sorting tool. How someone responds to my disclosure tells me a lot about who they are.⁣⁣
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I’m always so relieved when someone new receives this news gracefully, kindly – neither dismissing it nor leaning in for more information than our relationship warrants.⁣⁣
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What goes through your mind when you choose not to disclose your grief-status? How do you choose when to share or not share?

What are your biggest hopes and fears in terms of responses when you disclose what’s true? Let us know in the comments.
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#BoundariesAreBeautiful #SelfCareIsHealthCare #LivingWithGrief #MedEducation by @refugeingrief

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17 days ago

Did you know that psychiatrists have decided how long people should grieve!

On this episode of It's OK - an overview of Prolonged Grief Disorder. And, what this hotly contested “new” human disorder means for the average person, for healthcare providers, and for the wider world.

Listen to the entire episode at https://tinyurl.com/AboutPGD or wherever you get your podcasts.

We're revisiting some of our favorite episodes from the first 3 seasons of #ItsOkPod while the pod is on break. This episode was originally recorded in 2022.

#GriefSupportGroup #MedEducation #MentalHealthCare by @refugeingrief

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18 days ago