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poet. lover. activator.
truth and transformation.
BS in psychology.
all writing is my own.

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I have both known who I am,⁣
and not known who I am⁣
for a very long time.⁣
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the life of a Seeker.⁣
how do you explain this to someone⁣
who doesn’t feel it in their blood?⁣
⁣
you know that identity is malleable⁣
and there is Work to be done.⁣
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the instinct to be constantly digging,⁣
diving into the abyss, searching for answers.⁣
focused on healing. fingers tracing the wounds.⁣
clearing the muck of lineages.⁣
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it is both a confusing, ghastly territory,⁣
and a serenity unlike any other.⁣
to feel god emanating from within your chest.⁣
⁣
for the last decade I have unrelentingly⁣
scoured my psyche, traversed the collective unconscious,⁣
and opened doorways to my trauma.⁣
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in this lifelong journey, one may feel as though they are lost,⁣
for reality is always stirring up something to be dealt with.⁣
and the mind knows pain as if it were happening in the present.⁣
the mysteries do not cease to amaze me.⁣
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this Path is difficult,⁣
it asks all of you.⁣
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to die countless deaths,⁣
and then⁣
to resurrect yourself.⁣
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it demands, and teaches,⁣
determination, resilience, curiosity, grace…⁣
humility, compassion, a certain giving up…⁣
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over the years I have let grief swallow me.⁣
there was no other way.⁣
and in those bleak periods I felt⁣
I had no identity other than⁣
suffering.⁣
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with time and patience,⁣
I come to remember who I am.⁣
⁣
a Seeker. a weaver.⁣
a story teller. a guide.⁣
⁣
someone who traverses things⁣
others are afraid to touch.⁣
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⁣ by @source_nectar

109

22 days ago

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again and again I am reminded that⁣
the process of discovery of self is never ending.⁣
⁣
learning who you are / and who you might be.⁣
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if you’re willing to meet life earnestly,⁣
to unwrap perception and hold things with curiosity…⁣
⁣
if you have a certain level of awareness⁣
and commit to developing your compassion,⁣
for self and for others⁣
⁣
no matter what you go through and how life surprises you,⁣
you will come out of it more alive.⁣
you will emerge transformed,⁣
shifted, polished.⁣
⁣
after destruction comes regeneration.⁣
we know this.⁣
nature showcases this endlessly.⁣
⁣
the life/death/life cycle that is All That Is.⁣
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I have been tumbling along the bottom of the river,⁣
hitting rocks along the way, letting the flow have its way with me,⁣
shards flying, deeper things exposed⁣
⁣
until a new form emerges.⁣
a rounded, purified vessel.⁣
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myself, reimagined.⁣
myself, reminded,⁣
re-enlivened, renewed.⁣
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⁣ by @source_nectar

219

a month ago

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my season is here 🤪
catch me in the rays and on the water ☀️🌊 by @source_nectar

187

3 months ago

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when you do something for yourself, you do something for the collective. you spring forth, you dig deep, you dive. you breathe life out of your irises. you find yourself, get un-lost. un-stuck. shimmy back into the currents of magic and possibility. unlock the potential you’ve been feeling ebbing inside your belly for a while now. you remember life is a gift that you get to wield in any way you like. and though certain happenings are sewn into your timeline by a force greater than self, you are still the creator of how you choose to handle it. you have power in the choice to expand or retract. to condense, close, turn from. to feel, to grieve, to marinate. to move through, shake off, and let go. when the time is right, you choose to resurrect into a fresher form. because life keeps going, and you keep growing, and god is always somewhere nearby, lips against your neck.

. by @source_nectar

170

4 months ago

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more photos from my travels home ❣️ by @source_nectar

140

8 months ago

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I went home for the holidays rather spontaneously. booked a flight a week out. I haven’t been there since I moved a little over two years ago.

being able to interact with your family after more maturation and inner work is quite the experience. to reveal the newest version of yourself. to see the place you once were with greater vision. to show up authentically, with knowing of who you are.

there were ups and downs. a bit of drama and lots of laughter. nourishing meals. there was reconciliation, communication, offerings for greater depth. there was love.

overall it was a success and I’m glad I decided to go. there’s nothing quite like traveling home to reveal how much you’ve grown, and yet, where there is still work to do.

. by @source_nectar

129

9 months ago

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I stopped sharing because I was scared of being seen. the years of 2019-2023 were strange, odd, unsettling.

I was combing through the body, sifting through the trauma, going through a saturn return. my entire belief system shattered. I was dealing with chronic health conditions. navigating loss. rediscovering who I am.

what I posted was merely an iota of what was birthing through me.

though I was writing, sharing felt like danger. because my psyche was tender, vulnerable. it was childlike. in pain. the wiser self coming online while trying to soothe and make space for the naive and innocent that was dying. my entire identity was being unwoven. and that’s hard to speak about~

how you traverse the void, the dark. how those around you were unable to see you. your true kin distant and lands away. and though healing can occur in isolation, sometimes it imprints just how alone you are. how different.

you learn to hide. you’ve always been good at hiding. and unfortunately, those years of being extra fragile around people who are dead and blind, made it necessary to bury deeper. you get used to it, though the heart calls for you to sing…

you are free from that now. come
home.

//

here’s to the version of me
who felt like she lost her voice.
here’s to the present me
who knows it’s meant to be unshackled.

//

sharing some old photos and old poems from those years. by @source_nectar

131

10 months ago

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$it’s love, right? what it comes back down to. every time. every. single. time. a realization of light that fills you to the brim. ricochets through the body. and what have you been doing? where have you been closed? shut down and stuck. the grief moves in torrents. the mind relays memories aching for a resolution. the ego twists and turns. easy to get lost in. and then, something comes, and it touches you with its soft awakening. something points at the bindings wrapped around your psyche. things that exist merely because you uphold them with belief and repetition. all of it vanishes soon as you let the love come flooding in. fractals of light budding with freedom. it’s love. right. finally waking from this monotonous slumber. god laughs and kisses me on the forehead. by @source_nectar$

201

10 months ago

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over the weeks my plant has become more yellow. I tried to water it back to health. I thought my plant was dying. I was sad to have to trim it back. today I finally did. then I saw that it is growing 3 new leaves…the sadness was immediately replaced with admiration, excitement…a sudden knowing. it is simply part of the cycle.⁣
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I feel this is a potent metaphor to begin the year with:⁣
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fresh growth demands your old life.⁣
feeds off the nourishment you can no longer⁣
afford to direct toward those old structures.⁣
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grieve the death if you please.⁣
hold mass, make peace.⁣
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and trust that ⁣
nothing cut is lost.⁣
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merely making space for new life.⁣
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⁣ by @source_nectar

2 years ago

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it is my solar return. my birthday.⁣
a time of reflection, introspection, deep feelings.⁣
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this year, as I come face to face with the death and rebirth that each birthday brings…as I look back on my choices and the path my life has taken, the place I now hold, what I dream to touch…⁣
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I realize—I am so focused on growth that I don’t honor enough just how far I’ve come.⁣
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so, this year I celebrate my evolution. I celebrate the many versions of me that have existed. I consider the chapters of my life. the lessons. the hardships. and mostly, the way they have altered me, shaped me. what I have worked so hard to release, uncover, and build up.⁣
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life has not been easy on me. and I still have some trials to master.⁣
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but as I look back on my older selves,⁣
I am filled with overwhelming love and grace.⁣
they all desperately needed someone like who I am becoming. someone who could hold them in their pain, love them where they are, make them feel seen and understood.⁣
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I do it for her.⁣
and for her. and for her. and for her. ♾️⁣
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⁣ by @source_nectar

323

2 years ago

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give yourself grace. this is new territory for you. the highest, most embodied version of you requires moving on from old identities and structures. it means behaving differently, feeling slightly confused as you make new choices, have stricter boundaries, notice your desires change. and what does the ego like to hold onto? familiarity. by @source_nectar

119

2 years ago

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you have to hold tight to the pieces of you that matter. the essentials. the things you cannot imagine your life without, that give you meaning, some structure. imagination, inquiry, inspiration. finding poetry and hope in little things. seeking for answers. millions of questions. wanting to know, to find, to examine. the pieces of you that make you who you are. don’t let people take them from you, or taint them, squander them with labels and insults. don’t lose yourself again, love. you cannot afford that time. turn inward. sit with god. quit overconsumption. it is merely a tactic to evade the emptiness. but the emptiness has answers, the space you fall through always brings you more peace. touch void, skirt shadow. give in to the waves. know that everything has it’s time and place. there is purpose in this destruction. even if only to show you, that at the end of it, you have yourself. at the end of it, you’re left with god and your heart, and that has to be enough, because it is. by @source_nectar

179

2 years ago

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angelica

@source_nectar