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Colette Fehr | Couples Therapist & Author

@colettejanefehr

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Helping you say what matters & stay connected
Author of The Cost of Quiet
Speaker | podcast + radio | TV contributor
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They say they’re done talking.

And suddenly, you have no move left.

You can’t force the conversation.
You can’t resolve it alone.
You can’t get access to what is happening inside them.

Maybe they are overwhelmed.
Maybe they are flooded.
Maybe shutting down is how they protect themselves.

But the impact still lands on you.

Listen to
Staying Quiet Feels Safe—But Here’s What It’s Costing Your Relationship (and How to Fix It)
— link in bio —

Because understanding why someone shuts down does not answer the harder question of what their silence is doing to the relationship.

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On tonight’s Love Thy Neighbor we talk about the new Elizabeth Holmes documentary “You Can See Everything”

#lovethyneighborshow #colettefehr #tomanddan #relationshiptherapist #relationshipgoals

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Maybe the movie should have been called You Can See Nothing.

In our latest episode, we unpack the fascinating Elizabeth Holmes documentary You Can See Everything and the question at the heart of it: How well can we ever really know another person?

What begins as a filmmaker’s attempt to objectively understand Elizabeth Holmes becomes something much more complicated, as he finds himself drawn into the very web he’s trying to untangle.

As therapists, we couldn’t stop talking about the psychology of it all. Perception, manipulation, identity, and the stories we tell ourselves about other people.

Because sometimes the closer you look, the less you actually see.

🎙️ Listen to our latest episode of Insights from the Couch wherever you get your podcasts.

#Youcanseeeverything #elizabethholmes #insightsfromthecouch #mentalhealthatmidlife

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Birdgate!

#lovethyneighborshow #colettefehr #tomanddan #relationshiptherapist #relationshipgoals

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Being sexy at midlife isn’t just about how you look. It’s about how alive you feel.

It’s about having passion for what you’re doing, taking risks, pushing the edges of your comfort zone, and staying curious and engaged with life.

There’s something incredibly attractive about a woman who’s excited about her life, willing to try new things, and not afraid to keep growing.

That’s the kind of sexy we’re talking about. 🔥

Insights from the Couch Episode 121 out today!

#sexyatmidlife #insightsfromthecouch #midlifewomen #midlifepodcast #mentalhealthatmidlife

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Finding the right relationship therapist, on tonight’s Love Thy Neighbor

#lovethyneighborshow #colettefehr #tomanddan #relationshiptherapist #relationshipgoals

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We’re really good at doing.

Working. Producing. Fixing. Planning. Taking care of everyone. Moving on to the next thing.

But what happens when the next chapter of your life requires you to stop doing long enough to actually hear yourself?

In this week’s episode, our guest Johanna Danaher talks about how difficult it can be to get quiet enough to ask, What do I actually want now?

Because productivity can become a trap. Staying busy feels useful and familiar. Stillness can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’ve spent decades measuring your days by what you accomplished.

But sometimes the answer to what’s next doesn’t come from trying harder to figure it out.

Sometimes you have to stop.

Get quiet.

Listen.

And give yourself enough space to notice what’s calling you forward.

This week on Insights from the Couch, we’re talking about retirement, identity, purpose, and why the next chapter of life might be less about retirement and more about rewirement.

🎧 Episode 120: How to Plan a Rewirement Instead of a Retirement with Johanna Danaher

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Anticipation might just be the new drug of choice.

We’ve gotten so good at getting everything immediately that we’ve forgotten how good it feels to want something. To look forward to it. To let an experience build instead of rushing straight to the payoff.

The dinner you’ve been thinking about all week. The trip on the calendar. Getting dressed slowly. Flirting. Planning. Waiting. Drawing something out just because the waiting itself feels good.

There’s something incredibly sensual about anticipation. It asks us to slow down, stay in the moment, and actually experience desire instead of immediately satisfying it.

Maybe the good life isn’t about adding more.

Maybe it’s about learning how to savor what’s already coming.

This week on Insights From the Couch, we’re talking about getting beyond the hurry and bringing anticipation back into everyday life.

#insightsfromthecouch #midlifewomen #joyinthejourney

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Are you waiting for someone else to make you happy or waiting for the “perfect day” to finally start living? What if true happiness and peace start inside of you?

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of being a guest on Insights from the Couch Podcast with Colette Fehr and Laura Bowman. Our conversation was so good that I knew I had to share it with you on Don’t Shrink to Fit®.

We talked about taking control of your life, breaking generational patterns, choosing your feelings every morning like you choose your clothes, creating joy through small acts of kindness, and understanding that your partner isn't responsible for your happiness.

I also shared how creating your Future Self can help you make better choices, set healthier boundaries, and I talked about Brighter Days, my new nonprofit created to support single moms.

If you’re ready to remember your worth, take back your power, and live with more intention and purpose, I hope you’ll listen. ❤️

Thank you, Colette and Laura, for having me on your couch and for a conversation worth sharing again. Go check them out!

What You Will Learn:
Picking Your Feelings Daily: Why choosing to be happy is a daily choice, not an accident.
Stopping Past Pain: How Claudia chose to break old family cycles to protect her kids.
The Good Deed Habit: How helping others each day trains your brain to see the good in life.
Taking Ownership in Love: Why your partner cannot fix your past or make you happy on their own.
Building Your Best Self: How to act like the woman you want to become before you get there.
The Brighter Days Group: How Claudia’s nonprofit helps single moms with coaching, clothes, and job skills.

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Tom’s Wild Oats

#orlandosstrongeststream #funnypodcast #tomanddan #orlandopodcasts #comedyorlando

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Picking the right time to have discussions with your spouse

#lovethyneighborshow #colettefehr #tomanddan #relationshiptherapist #relationshipgoals

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You don’t have to have had “bad parents” to have childhood wounds.

Every childhood asks us to adapt in some way. We learn what keeps us connected, what keeps us safe, what gets us love, and what parts of ourselves are easier to show or hide.

Those adaptations can be incredibly useful when we’re young. The problem is that we often carry them into adulthood long after we need them.

In our conversation with Galit Atlas, we talk about the wounds we all carry, the ways our childhoods shape us, and what it looks like to finally understand the patterns we’ve been living inside.

🎧 New episode of Insights From the Couch.
#insightsfromthecouch #midlifewomen #childhoodwounds #mentalhealthatmidlife

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