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Divorce Doula

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Well excuse me while I compose myself over here after reading Fanny’s introduction to my contribution to her What’s In My Bag series. My Substack Doula and real life bestie, @fannyadams is also a wardrobe stylist and writer of the popular Susbtack, Always Overdressed. What an honor and a pleasure to be featured. Link in bio ❤️

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Here’s a little coaching for ya, on the house.

I put together this carousel on the exact four questions I use to get clients from stuck to clear. Steal them, save them, use them the next time you’re spiraling in the shower or overthinking a decision at 2am.

This is the DIY version where it’s just you, your journal, and four good questions.

But if you want the version where someone’s actually in the (virtual) room with you — listening, pushing back, catching the thing you didn’t say — that’s a different experience. And the first 30 minutes of that one are free too.

Let’s chat!

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I used to make decisions on autopilot and for other people. I’d often choose what was easiest to explain, easiest to defend, easiest to keep the peace with everyone except myself.

Somewhere along the way I started asking a different question: what will actually get me closer to peace? And then doing just that.

I know, it sounds too simple. But it’s the only filter that’s ever actually worked for me, and it’s the same filter I use with clients when they’re stuck on a decision and can’t see past the noise. That’s the work - helping you get quiet enough to hear what you actually want, then building a plan around THAT.

If you’re at a crossroads right now, try asking yourself that question: what will get you closer to peace?

First 30 minutes are always free if you want to talk it through. Link in bio.

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New Substack post on the script we’re handed about single women and expiration dates. And why I’m not buying it. Link in bio.
If any of this sounds familiar, please reach out! First 30 minutes are always free.

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Look no further, @overheardla commenter. I’m here for you.

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I took myself on a little lunch break walk yesterday and ended up in a gift shop near my office called Lauda. Just browsing. And then I saw this print by Loud Flower Art Co. and it said one word: gentleness.

Bought it immediately. As a reminder to myself. And now I’m making it your reminder too.

Today’s clarity question: what would you do differently if you believed you deserved softness?

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Pride reminds me what it looks like to take the hard stuff and turn it into something beautiful. The LGBTQ+ community has been doing that for generations, building chosen families and whole new lives along the way. That’s everything Divorce Doula stands for. All stories welcome here. Happy Pride! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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No tips, reflective questions, or five-step frameworks this Self-Care Sunday.

Sometimes the most powerful thing I can offer is a reminder that what you’re going through, while painful and hard, is also an opening.

So Rumi can have the floor.

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Hi, I’m Katie, the person behind Divorce Doula. If you’re new here, this one’s for you.

When I was going through my own divorce, I kept sensing something was missing. I had a lawyer, a therapist, and supportive friends. What I didn’t have was someone to hold the whole human experience of it. The decisions, the identity shift, the logistics, the “what do I even want now?” I realized the thing I needed didn’t exist. So I built it.

Swipe to catch up. Link in bio or DM to connect. First 30 minutes are always on me.

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A short reflection on pleasure and joy. You’re probably wondering what this has to do with divorce but to me it’s pretty obvious. A lot of the work we’ll do together is relearning how to show up in your life and unlearning old beliefs or ways of being that no longer serve you. And to sustain yourself on the long journey of divorce, you need a lot of gentleness, care, joy, and pleasure. I’m here to remind you of that. ❤️

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A friend sent me this DM and it was just too good, I had to share it on main (with her permission ofc). It’s the whole thesis of what I’m doing with Divorce Doula. The narrative around divorce is long overdue for a rewrite and in my individual work with clients, it starts with how we’re talking about this huge, transformative, life changing moment. Does this resonate with you as much as it does with me?

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Yesterday I chose pleasure. A full day bopping around with two of my best friends doing absolutely nothing productive. The kind of hedonism that has zero ROI and is exactly what I needed after months of grinding on Divorce Doula and at my day job.

Turns out it’s not indulgent, it’s science, and is one third of what a human needs to flourish. Positive psychologist Dr. Kate Hefferon says well-being comes down to three things in equal measure: achievement, contentment, and pleasure. Most of us in divorce and rebuilding mode are running on achievement alone and wondering why we’re exhausted. Swipe through to assess what might be missing for you.

Shoutout to @lumiacoaching for introducing me to the positive psychology frameworks that shape how I work with clients.

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