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Rachel Rayner Coaching

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I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to slam on the gas pedal when I think I want something. Then I slam on the brakes when I feel unsure or encounter an obstacle. I'm learning that slow, exploratory movement helps me find what direction I want to go faster than trying to plot out my exact route of travel.

#perfectionismrecovery #freezeresponse #traumarecovery #babysteps #momentum

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One of the most useful questions to break limerant and codependent patterns is, "What qualities does this person have that I want for myself?" I have found that often I'm not drawn to the person themselves so much as the person I would become if I had those traits.

Take a look at the people you tend to be drawn to. What traits do they have in common? They say you become who you hang out with. Are you subconsciously trying to become more like them constant contact. Like you can osmosis their traits for yourself or learn how they cultivated it in themselves?

For me, I have done that with people I consider competent at an interest or endeavor we both share. Guess what? Hanging around them didn't make me more competent. It generally made me harder on myself and more neurotic. I became more judgemental toward myself and others.

I realize now that I didn't want to be with them so much as become them in certain aspects. Reframing your attraction in that way can make it far less consuming, allowing you to keep your head on straight, your boundaries firm, and your judgement of character online.

What traits are you attracted to that are actually parts of you begging to be seen and cultivated?

#selfdevelopmenttools #codependency #traumainformedcoach #traumarecovery #attraction

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I realized this week that in many areas of my life, I believe that if I make a mistake, I will never be rid of the consequences of it.

That belief didn't come out of nowhere. I learned it through violence when I was a four years old. Then music school solidified it in my psyche through bullying and other forms of social abuse.

If you struggle with perfectionism, it might be time for you to examine if you also learned this (FALSE) lesson. How can you give yourself safe places and situations to make mistakes and fail? If you learned this lesson from other people, then you have to set up situations for you to learn what safety feels like.

Unfortunately, only you can give that to yourself. However, you can get help from other people in this journey! It might be your responsibility, but you don't have to do it alone. Keep following me, and I'll share some of the things that I am doing to overcome it. Or, you can get one-on-one coaching sessions with me to speed the process along!

Keep going, brave soul!

#perfectionismrecovery #lifelessons #traumarecovery #traumainformedcoach #traumasurvivor

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Dip me in formaldehyde and preserve me because I never hit my stride early in life. I realized the other day that part of why I take such good care of skin is to buy me more time in reaching dreams that are so often only attained by young, beautiful women. It eased the panic that I'm not going fast enough and the grief at the delays my PTSD causes me.

For years, I couldn't do anything music-related due to the trauma and bullying at music school. Now that I am finally able to start practicing, creating, and performing, I feel despair at how far behind my peers it has put me.

I can't describe the pain and comparison I felt watching a girl a decade younger than me who started doing and becoming successful at dreams that were very similar to mine (and then dated my boyfriend) while I was stuck on the sidelines feeling like a Ferrari with the engine brake on. That'll get in your head.

All I can hope is that the life experience I bring to my art will make it so rich that it becomes the very quality that makes it successful. That all this time I was just slow, slow, slow roasting. Or maybe I'm pickled because I'm a bit sour at this point in my life.

#aging #aginggracefully #femalemusician #cptsd #middleage

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The more we try to control our world, the more it rebels against us. I'm in this liminal space right now where I have ended my old way of life and many of my old maladaptive coping mechanisms, but I haven't actually started my new one. Man, that grief is HARD. Many days I ask myself what I was thinking, because the positive changes my actions are bringing my way are still on the distant horizon. I doubt many days that they will ever make it to me.

There is a voice in my head scolding me. There is a voice that echos what a bully once said of me in college: "failure at life." But life is not something you can pass or fail, not something that can be graded at all. You never know how your actions impact the world around, and more importantly, you never know WHICH of your actions will be your most powerful ones.

May you and I surrender some of our need to control our lives so that we can finally begin living it.

Also, I give life coaching sessions, so if you are interested, send me a message!

#lessonslearned #lifelessons #control #failure #lifecoach

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I decided to be vulnerable and record myself dealing with distress as it was happening. I don't have the things I coach other people on figured out, but that's how I learn what it feels like to struggle.

One of my friends told me that I should start sharing more vulnerable experiences and the insights those experiences create. She said people needed it. So, here I am taming that lion in me who is ambitious, prideful, and impatient.

And guess what? I did it. I gave myself a small break and then had fun with music the rest of the night. Not only that, but I later played 12 bar blues solos that were true melodies and sounded good. It felt like I was flying.

How many nights like those did I miss because I didn't know how to soothe myself like I did in the video? Something I have come to realize lately is that everything I want is on the other side of a little distress tolerance.

Distress tolerance. That is what I have been actively working on lately. And a major cause of discomfort for me is being afraid to be vulnerable online. Or maybe just the cringe of acting like an influencer.

As I write this caption I am having to deal with insecurity and perfectionism. It's rambling, too long, terrible for SEO (life coach, vlog, self improvement, self-growth, healing journey), comes off super unprofessional, is turning into a blog post no one asked for.

Oh well. I'll be okay.

#selfsoothing #selfhelptools #selfcompassionjourney #perfectionismrecovery #selfkindness

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You have to be willing to have a bad reputation before you can have a good one. I stole this principle from the quote "You have to be willing to die before you can begin to live." (Let me know who to credit this to.)

What does that mean for us? It means that we activate our freeze and/or fawn response when we are so afraid of being received badly or looking stupid. (Btw, I mistyped that as "stupid.") By doing that, we stop doing and saying what other people actually need us to. Even if what you do is legitimately "stupid," someone needs to be brave enough to make the mistake so that we can have a discussion around it.

So I want you to tell me in the comments what you would do if you weren't afraid anymore. Would you post more? Speak more, write more, go to the gym, or dance? What do you fantasize about when you go on walks or drives and let your mind drift?

#reputation #bebrave #speakout #doitscared #perfectionist

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Manifesting, mindfulness, and other neuroscience-backed self improvement practices are not the right tools in every situation. When you are in crisis, crisis intervention services should be your main goal. Viktor Frankl warned of a psychological phenomenon called "The Delusion of Reprieve," which is a form of denial about ones

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One of the most transformational practices I have ever found: rewriting my life in novel form. This is my first video on the project I call "Rewriting Rachel." I think I will eventually try publishing it, but this first draft is just for me and my healing.

Tell me, would you try doing this? What point in your life would you go back to so that you could change your future and that of your loved ones? Could you try doing this exercise in another form, like music, movement, or conversation?

#RewritingRachel #rewritingthenarrative #writersoninstagram #traumarecovery #traumainformedcoach

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✨ New Offering ✨

I've been quietly working on something close to my heart: a workshop supporting people recovering from burnout. If you know me, you know how severe my own burnout has been. So, I have SOOOO much knowledge on the subject.

Recovering from burnout out is tricky, because pushing only results in more of it. In this course, I will teach you how to rest, reset, and reconnect with your own energy in sustainable ways.

The first section is opening soon, and I can't wait to share all the details with you! If you have been feeling drained, stuck, or stretched thin, this is for you!

💌 Drop a comment or DM me if you'd like to be the first to know when I open registration. My pricing plan is made to be accessible to all income levels, so don't get scared off by cost!

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You deserve better than generic advice. Only you are the expert on your life, so as a coach, I strive to teach not just teach you self-reflection practices, but to customize them to your needs. This allows you to build self-trust, nervous system regulation, and stress resilience. I can't wait to help you discover and hone your strengths!

Link in bio!

#BurnoutRecovery #StressResilience #NervousSystemHealing #SelfTrust #HealingJourney

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Introducing my new coaching program, Burnout Academy!

It's a novel 6-week coaching program based on clinical psychology, my work with children, and my own journey with burnout. This program puts you in small group coaching cohorts, because healing requires connection and support.

Do you want to know what I am most proud of? I have created a tiered pricing scale so that no matter your financial situation, you can join in. I even have one full scholarship position per cohort. It's rough out there. I get it. You literally can't afford NOT to join!

Interested? DM me, click on the link in bio, or go to raynercreativecoaching.com to claim your spot. I'm so excited to work with you!

Photos by @frannyeerroo

#burnoutrecovery #burnoutcoach #exhaustion #burnedout #burnedout

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