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QUARTER THREE ITINERARY: a whole lot of payoff

What do you do when it all works out? When you set out to accomplish something within the year and you actually truly make it happen?

What then?

I am so used to chasing, to dreaming, that I don’t know how to just hold it. 

Up until this point, my 20s were made up of unsteady ground and a lot whole lot of doubt. Like heaps of it. Of course, I coukd envision it working out for me — getting the job, finding my people, ya da ya da — but only conceptually. I did not actually believe it would happen. 

And yet, here I am. 

I stand with a foot hardly passed the finish line. I am bent in half, hands bracing against my thighs. My heavy panting nearly drowns out the roar of applause I have been waiting to hear my entire life. And all I can wonder is “what’s next?”

I don’t think I will ever be content. It’s not in my nature. I come from a long line of runners, of people who (whether by choice or force) could not settle. It is baked in my DNA to always scan the horizon, searching for my next goal post. 

I have a million and one blessings, a life some people can only dream of, but is it a sin to dream of more? I don’t think so. 

Bigger ponds to live in, oceans more vast than I ever know. Always more, always something else. 

Maybe I can relish in the now, enjoy the comfort I have built for myself. I mean what is the point if I don’t enjoy it? So for quarter four that is just what I’ll do. But not for forever. I won’t let that be. I now know there is more out there for all of us, as long as we are willing to look and brave enough to begin.
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QUARTER 2 ITINERARY: endings and beginnings and endings again

I hate that in order to create the life you want, you must say goodbye to the one you are living now. Why? Why can we not have it all? What is the harm in that?

I am realizing that a life will build itself around me — loved ones, adventures, big feelings — it will follow me no matter where I go because that is just how the universe works. Things will end abruptly, painfully even, all in the midst of the happiest time in your life. There are no rules, none at all. 

This quarter was about learning to navigate these mysterious cosmos as it hurls its meteors my way, and yet still not flying off course even though sometimes the engine was on fire and every light on the control panel was lit up and I was pretty sure I left an escape pod at home and oh my god I left the stove on didn’t I. 

Whatever. It’s all hills and valleys. 

The wealth of the world lies in the love I give and take and the things I create, and I will continue chasing it with everything I’ve got. So onto the next quarter because I have to imagine this turbulence was preparing me for something cool. Hopefully.
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bada RING ✨❤️
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