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Mostly for the love of books and beautiful prose.
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is this dying or am I being born
  it is both for I am a dead nascent star that is a swirling black hole with a destructive power that rivals the titans and my name is  or is it  and I don’t think I can tell you for certain, because both of those people are dead or in some semblance of a purgatory or nonbeing, swaying with the angels
  who are you I don’t recognize you, the lie is a worm that buries itself within my brain, my skin, my soul, my sinking, surgically precise slicing of all that I am, and I am only a bag of blood with eyes that look and look and the tears run down from them when I realize this fact
  they say the most precious metal in Albania is freedom but I am barren, impure and impious because I do not know anything of freedom, what is the shotgun but a harbinger of the rest of my life, but it is raised and as much as I can I beg to be the one it embraces, it will free me
  it will free me
  I am pure, no, I am but I have to say that because if I don’t I can’t breathe, truly I can gasp for an eternity but air bends itself around me and my lungs shriek for it, but I am pure, and my name is my future, and my past and everything I’ve ever known, it will enslave me, yes, until the very end, because I have seen through my delusion and realized that it will haunt me and I will never be free of it, I am certain
  the enslavement of my soul to you, my love, is something I can only dream to have had, because it cannot be reality, you cannot be my reality because you are too pure for me, you flee my grasp because I cannot I cannot, no I can I can, and I love you
  must I leave my life behind, that is all they bring me
  a wound or death
  his brother sent his best and it was, I am certain
  you see me for the first time, my love, and I see you and we see each other, I think, and the Kanun finally sees me and I know its gravity will clasp my hand with a stasis that I will never be able to keep from embracing, and home is where thy wings are clipped, so I will not go there, my body is just a detail and my wings will remain as I have and do and did
  I am she who remains
  remained
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⚰️as i lay dying  x  william faulkner 

from the odyssey: “as i lay dying the woman with the dog’s eyes would not close my eyes for me as i descended into hades.”

this book is a masterpiece, that pushes forward what it means to read literature, whether the story works for you or not. it is hazy, dream-like, and the stream-of-consciousness and perspective shifts give it an urgency and a necessity to give itself a conclusion. in essence, faulkner’s writing is subdued as cormac mcarthy’s is at times but passes into an incessant soul-purge with passages that feel like steinbeck. as my first faulkner novel, i found it compelling and with a narrative that had moments of the supernatural, religious, and almost-to-a-fault groundedness. 

—swipe for more—

quotes:

It takes two people to make you, and one people to die. That's how the world is going to end. 
•
I can remember how when I was young I believed death to be a phenomenon of the body; now I know it to be merely a function of the mind—and that of the minds of the ones who suffer the bereavement. The nihilists say it is the end; the fundamentalists, the beginning; when in reality it is no more than a single tenant or family moving out of a tenement or a town.
•
He begins to move slowly backward from the bed, his eyes round, his pale face fading into the dusk like a piece of paper pasted on a failing wall, and so out of the door.
•
Pa looks at him, his face streaming slowly. It is as though upon a face carved by a savage caricaturist, a monstrous burlesque of all bereavement flowed.
•
The dead air shapes the dead earth in the dead darkness, further away than seeing shapes the dead earth. It lies dead and warm upon me, touching me naked through my clothes.
•
I could just remember how my father used to say that the reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time. 
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How do our lives ravel out into the no-wind, no-sound, the weary gestures wearily recapitulant: echoes of old compulsions with no-hand on no-strings: in sunset we fall into furious attitudes, dead gestures of dolls.
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It's like it aint so much what a fellow does, but it's the way the majority of folks is looking at him when he does it.
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if you are a woman reading this, you should know i did not forget about you this morning. i simply couldn't get home from maryland fast enough to get to my books.

how could i ever forget you? you are what make the world worth living — mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, aunts, nieces, and friends — even if you feel like you are none of these, you are appreciated, although so much goes underappreciated. but i am here for you.

how could i ever forget you? you are the sun that shines on me and the clouds that give me relief when it is too much, and the wind that lets me know that i am living even when i can't imagine another day. you are the stars in the night sky that i admire, for what strength to send your light millions of miles to people who may not appreciate it. i look up and i see your light and i hope you know it isn't wasted.

whether you're a writer or reader or neither, you're here for a reason. today and always, i hope you give yourself grace and do something you love, because life is too short to not feel valued. and i hope that i can show you that even if this tiny post is all i can give you. 

i love you all 🖤 i wish i could tag every one of you!

—br

•

#bookstagram #bookstagrammer #books #internationalwomensday #booksbooksbooks
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if you're reading this,

i am speaking to you. where are you? or where is your heart? or your mind because it's not with me: i feel it though, reaching for me—i feel its pull and its gravity even if i try to silence what is inside me. and you do too even if you don't realize it. i have talked about love before, but i don’t feel like who i am right now has talked about love. and these books aren't necessarily about love and i'm sorry for that, but red and pink in protest of a world that is begging for the cycles of self-love—not just that though: generous, plague-ridden love, unrequited, yearning love, grotesque self-destructive love—all are being detonated from within us by some outside death, but i want only your detonation to catalyze for me and not destroy you. to be a private implosion that i glimpse and know it's for me. yes that's it—the brain is love, and as much as we focus on the heart, and any attempt to eradicate the love we have an infinite capacity for is a headshot aimed at the center of a skull that cradles a killer’s mind. f*ck if i try to explain myself more i will very quickly run out of space in the caption so be interpretive my love. be interpretive for me and interpret my life and my words as they rush from my fingertips and galvanize the part of you that you are hiding from me. the body is love and the spirit and the grifting of the soul as it grinds its teeth in an effort to grow and the legs that carry you to me my love and the arms that wrap around mine own spirit and all of it all of it. if i am a killer then so are you. but it's a heaven to let the light in and i beg you to let mine in.

always yours,
br
59
My eyes are fading, they're fading someone fix me come fix me. Fix me for I see red and black and I don't know if the black is real or the void and if the red is the light through my eyelids or the anger I hold inside, I must draw myself in a quick second of melancholy with my words (🎵) what better time than now though, my thanks can be given but can it ever truly be felt? I draw myself by saying that I am in love with the hatefulness inside me, like a pale ghost of gray divinity, a patronized platter of undulance but I think of you who are not ghosts, that I am truly thankful for, and I don't hate that about you, though the hatred is buried within my tamped chest, my solidified soul unable to escape yet through my words. Hold on let it happen again (🎵) and all of the words I am given the opportunity to process, to peel layers until there is only the purity of my connection and my understanding, until I feel that its sculpting is complete. Am I thankful for my life?, it's a hard thing to admit I don't know, that someone else may have used it better than I have (🎵) but I can be thankful for the love I feel poured out, a symbolic sacrifice of perhaps what I feel I have wasted. By every vision that passes between my ears and in from of my eyes, I swear that I feel every second charging like a bull, and the red I see may just be the cape I wear, that God put on my back to shatter me slowly, only as long as I can outrun it (🎵) but now I'm tired, and it's getting louder, and it's not red and black I see, it's red and then black, it is the after-void alone, the black hole that swallows my heart only not when I sleep (🎵) maybe that's why I don't want to sleep, I don't want to look away for fear the black hole will hide itself again, but the light is buried, as buried as I soon will be. Let it ring out again (🎵) I am disappeared, as dark as night, as fleeting as a shadow, and I am thankful only that I am aware. So please I beg you, sing me to sleep.
29
black and white stack!🖤🤍

my cow jellycat is perfect for this stack so ofc i had to feature him!!🐮 my sister actually bought me this cow back in march because she said it reminded her of me.. not sure what to think about that but i love my cow so thank u mads😂🤍

i wanted to choose books for this stack that are also perfect reads for the ber months. i loved all of these books/series when i read them and couldn’t recommend them enough.

books featured:
☁️in cold blood by truman capote
☁️the naturals by jennifer lynn barnes
☁️the housemaid is watching by freida mcfadden
☁️caraval by stephanie garber
☁️the cruel prince by holly black
☁️the invisible life of addie larue by ve schwab

thank you @orchidsareflowers for tagging me in this trend!! i tagged a few friends to join, but if you see this consider yourself tagged!!

🫧have you read any of these?
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the one with a little darkness ♥️🖤
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black and red stack 😍 I love the color stacks so much so I will be doing more of them! I felt inspired by the end of summer and the beginning of the spooky season! 

So you know the drill, I would love to see your black and red books 🥰

#booksbooksbooks #bookstagram #bookish #blackandredstack #newbooks #darkromance #romantasy #romancebooks #mafiaromance #lovebooks #indieauthors #stackchallenges #bookobsessed
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54321 challenge💌

& a lil photo dump to go with the books!!

i tagged a few people to join in on the challenge, but if you see this, consider yourself tagged!! i hope everyone has a good day🤍
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