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This post is for educational purposes for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

It took me many years to admit to myself that my husband was ab*sing me, and it’s taken years since leaving him to admit that he wasn’t going to change, at least not in a timeline that would enable me to keep living.

If you’re in a situation like this, for survival reasons, it can be really hard to admit that what your partner is doing isn’t just uncool or immature, it’s ab*sive.

Ab*se is a pattern of power and control. It’s not an accident.

An ab*sive man’s behavior aligns with his core beliefs about entitlement, power, and control. His values are rooted in patriarchal ideas about gender, identity, and emotions.

Meaning, his cruelty towards you is value driven. READ THAT AGAIN.

He does what he does to you not because he’s “unaware” or “wounded,” but because it BENEFITS him.

Coercive control is just one abse technique he may be using to get what he wants. It is a pattern of push/pull behaviors designed to confuse, fatigue, and subjugate a woman over time. Eventually, even when the absive partner is not present, a woman KNOWS— to stay safe, she needs to shrink.

He trains her to fear her own freedom and give up her power in the relationship through a punishment-reward system. To someone untrained, his behavior may look like a random, uncontrollable tantrum. But cycling between kindness (attentive, understanding, capable of emotionally intelligent and logical conversations) and control (monitoring, isolating, name calling, screaming, threatening, controlling money, time, medications, clothes, relationships, or decisions) is how he puts your brain in survival mode.

You think it’s love, but his behavior is creating a bond that resembles the “love” that forms between captor-captive.

Whether or not he ever h!ts you.

It is completely destabilizing when you cannot predict how your partner will behave.

Examples of dv from my marriage:

1️⃣ Name-calling: I asked him to clean up after himself after meals. He was furious. Then I wrote in my journal “I don’t deserve to be called dumb & crazy in a disagreement ab the dishes.”

CONT. IN COMMENTS

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This post is for educational purposes for Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

It took me many years to admit to myself that my husband was ab*sing me, and it’s taken years since leaving him to admit that he wasn’t going to change, at least not in a timeline that would enable me to keep living.

If you’re in a situation like this, for survival reasons, it can be really hard to admit that what your partner is doing isn’t just uncool or immature, it’s ab*sive.

Ab*se is a pattern of power and control. It’s not an accident.

An ab*sive man’s behavior aligns with his core beliefs about entitlement, power, and control. His values are rooted in patriarchal ideas about gender, identity, and emotions.

Meaning, his cruelty towards you is value driven. READ THAT AGAIN.

He does what he does to you not because he’s “unaware” or “wounded,” but because it BENEFITS him.

Coercive control is just one abse technique he may be using to get what he wants. It is a pattern of push/pull behaviors designed to confuse, fatigue, and subjugate a woman over time. Eventually, even when the absive partner is not present, a woman KNOWS— to stay safe, she needs to shrink.

He trains her to fear her own freedom and give up her power in the relationship through a punishment-reward system. To someone untrained, his behavior may look like a random, uncontrollable tantrum. But cycling between kindness (attentive, understanding, capable of emotionally intelligent and logical conversations) and control (monitoring, isolating, name calling, screaming, threatening, controlling money, time, medications, clothes, relationships, or decisions) is how he puts your brain in survival mode.

You think it’s love, but his behavior is creating a bond that resembles the “love” that forms between captor-captive.

Whether or not he ever h!ts you.

It is completely destabilizing when you cannot predict how your partner will behave.

CONTINUED IN COMMENTS

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I often receive messages from people asking how they can follow in my footsteps. How they can become an advocate. How they can turn what happened to them into something meaningful. How they can live up to the people calling for change.

And I want to say something very clearly: You don’t owe anyone s**t because you survived something.

You don’t owe us your story. You don’t owe us your pain in a form we can understand. You don’t need a book deal to be valid. You don’t have to dedicate your life to advocacy. You don’t have to make your trauma useful. You don’t need to find meaning in it.

I never want to model to anyone that you have to turn your trauma into triumph.

We celebrate the people who take something terrible that happened to them and build something from it. And I am one of those people. But I never want my life to become a prescription for someone else’s survival. Because there is no hierarchy of surviving!!

The person who campaigns for law reform is not more courageous than the person who never tells another soul. The person who speaks publicly is not more healed than the person who wants privacy. The person who builds an organisation is not more worthy than the person who simply wants to get on with their life.

I advocate because I had to. I talk about what happened to me because, at this point in my life, I want to. But that does not mean I believe anyone else should have to.

If you have survived something terrible, I hope you know this: your survival does not need to produce anything to be worthy. You are allowed to simply be here.

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Thank you for the opportunity to be a donor at The Weareher network non profit event. We love our community!

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New Bozeman weekend plans are here!

Share with friends and family you’d like to attend one of these events with, and I’ll see you out there 💛

📍 Bozeman, Montana

#howdybozeman #bozeman #bozemanmontana #bozemanmt #bozemanevents #bozemanlife #bozemancommunity #gallatinvalley #montana #montanalife #bigsky #bigskymontana #bigskycountry #yellowstone #belgrademt #belgrademontana

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This month marks 4years since I was sexually assaulted & I carry no shame anymore.

4 strong solid years of therapy, counseling, support group, reki, exposure therapy, acupuncture and more.

When I first began my healing I was terrified. I didn’t want to revisit my trauma from being raped nor did I ever want to return to the scene of where it all happen in riverside.

But I was told

“The sooner you begin to heal that wound from the moment it happen, the better your healing will evolve.”

With great fear I began getting professional help almost 2 months after it all had happen.

The truth beneath this photo is hard for me. I have been suicidal, depressed & down right mentally unstable for the past 3 years & my husband & parents witnessed it all.

But as promised, the healing emerged and evolved everyday that I took great efforts to go deep & never be surface.

I haven’t written about myself in a while because my focus has been on my family & husband.

I woke up today for the first time all month to sit with just myself.

In the silence & solace I began to reflect on my growth.

From a victim of trauma to a survivor of triumph.

3 years ago I could never drive alone, get on freeways, pump gas, feel sexy, be intimate, or even sit up straight because I was Carring so much trauma from my abuse.

Today, I am the one my family proudly praises for being “the strong one” my nieces tell me how much I inspire them & my husband weeps every week to tell me how proud he is of me.

This month I showed up and showed out fearlessly for my family & I too am proud .

Still struggling but when I reflect on the 24year old gal who was raped & photographed 1 month after it happened to this women who’s 28 now & photographed for her featured in @voyagelamag surprises me.

Almost to hard it accept your greatness when you been in a dark space for so long.

Yet here I am to encourage those healing from sexual trauma..... continue the course & be patient with your healing. Launch that project that’s on your heart. Manifest & mediate as you see fit.

YOU ARE REWRITING YOUR FUTURE 🙏🏽

Stay the course, your light is there... even when you didn’t recognize your own glow.

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Healing in the mountains with @wearehernetwork 🤍 Feeling so grateful to have shared space with such badass survivors. I love you We Are HER!!!!!

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Soul filled ✨💖✨

Many people know me as a #yoga teacher, but before that, I spent over a decade working in #traumainformed care. With a degree in #psychology, I’ve had the privilege of serving as an #advocate for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, teaching mindfulness in the prison system, supporting at-risk youth, and leading stress management programs aimed at reducing suicide rates in communities where they continue to rise.

Every one of those experiences—along with my own healing journey—has shaped who I am and continues to fuel my passion for creating spaces where people feel seen, supported, and #empowered.

I was incredibly grateful to join @wearehernetwork the last two years and even more honored to connect with such inspiring women who are committed to making an impact. Here’s to community, collaboration, and healing together. 🙏🏽✨ we are all her 💗

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👀 We hid something in the bags…

The first 100 shoppers at Hidden Gem will get a reusable cotton shopping bag, sponsor goodies, and a little surprise waiting inside.

A thrifted treasure. A tiny oddity. A forgotten favorite looking for a new home.

That’s the magic of Hidden Gem, you never know what you’ll find. ✨🦋

First come, first served!

🗓July 20th
⏰️ 4pm - 8pm
📍 Wild River Thrift

#thriftedtreasures #shopsmallbusiness #montanamakers #bozeman

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I came forward with my story less than two years ago. I had the great privilege of taking a mental health leave a few months later. I mostly ran from it during that period but I also had the honor of partaking in two very different and equally beautiful (entirely free!) retreats for survivors @saprea_org and @wearehernetwork. I took each piece of wisdom from different women at each retreat and they continue to provide immense comfort.

It is really hard when your biggest truth is something most people cannot stomach and need to turn away from. Even for those who can sit in it, it is hard to know what to do, how to be there for you, or to know you are actively still "going through something" that has turned your entire life upside down. I am still hurting from not just the original abuse but the pain that unveiling of it has caused.

I am in active recovery and healing every single day. And it is lonely place to be when the people who know and love you, many of whom now know your truth, don't know how to be there for you. I don't know what to tell them but an slowly figuring out what I need and gaining the courage to name it - and you can too.

If you're going through this too, please know you're not alone, your life is not ruined and I am sending you so much love. ❤️‍🩹

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Gallatin Valley, you’ve done it again. Thank you for showing up for our community in such a meaningful way over the past 24 hours. Your generosity has strengthened hundreds of nonprofits, and we could not be more proud of this community today.

Each year, nonprofits submit videos sharing their gratitude. Five are randomly selected to receive one of our favorite prizes of the day, The Gallatin Gratitude Prize, sponsored by @commonfont.

This year’s winners are @wearehernetwork, @opera_montana, @rootsfamilycollaborative, @bozemandharmacenter, and @bigskywia_

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Hi friends!

Here's a chance to enter into a raffle to win a private soundbath with yours truly!

Read below and link in bio.

Many of you don't know I'm on the board of a small, 100% volunteer run non-profit called We Are HER. Our sole purpose is to provide services to survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. I've been a member of this board for the past three years and a volunteer since 2018. I'm proud of the work we do.

Our organization provides workshops, meet-ups, and an annual, all-expense paid, retreat for survivors of intimate partner violence and sexual assault. We cover flights from all over the country, meals and lodging at a beautiful location in Montana so survivors don't have to worry financial barriers. They can focus on healing.

In addition to being on the board, I've had the honor of serving as a facilitator for two of these annual retreats. It’s hard to put into words how powerful it is to watch someone finally exhale, to feel safe enough to be present in their own body, their own life. The retreat creates space for connection, healing, and self-discovery in a way that can truly shift how someone sees themselves and their future.

Our org, and many others like us, are participating in Give Big; a 24-hour fundraiser that started yesterday at 6pm and goes (technically) through 6pm today (folks can still donate through May 5th if they'd like!).

We're asking for your help in raising $12,000. We're already more than halfway there. Every dollar counts and no donation is too small! Even $5 is a powerful show of support. There's no fees this year, so every penny will go straight to our cause.

If you've read this far, thank you. For every $5 you donate, you'll be entering yourself into a raffle to win a free 60 minute private soundbath with you and 5 guests of your choosing. **Yes, you can do multiple entries.** You must provide proof of donation. Donations must be made by 6pm today and the winner will be announced Monday, May 4th at 6pm.

Thank you for supporting this vital organization, every dollar counts.

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