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David N McIlvaney

@the_real_dnm

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Outdoorsman | Writer | Huckleberry
Having a different conversation with the outdoors.
Give me a follow on medium.
Writing ⬇️

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𝘕𝘰𝘸, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 is now accessible for anyone via the link in my bio.

Hard fought essay on the healing waters of rivers. It all started with something I flippantly said in a podcast in answer to the question, “Why do you fly fish?”

“Because rivers wash away our sins,” I replied.

The essay is my attempt at proving that.

Thanks to @z_williamz and @backcountryhunters for publishing it.

#flyfishing #trout #catskills #mentalhealth #outdoors by @the_real_dnm

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a month ago

by @the_real_dnm

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2 months ago

We host an intimate group to allow for our full attention. Only a few spots left.

Reach out for more info.

@laurakirar @rwf333 @haciendasubin by @the_real_dnm

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2 months ago

HEART-OPENING RETREAT
~ Inward Bound ~

September 26-27

Friends, it’s with great joy that we welcome special guest integrator, Dave Dubois (https:// radicalbalance.net ) to lead our fourth heart-opening & mind-expanding retreat weekend at Hacienda Subin.

My partners and I have worked with Dave for many years, benefitting from his kind and experienced mind. His work with trauma-informed techniques shaped by his training in meditation, Internal Family Systems, and Compassionate Inquiry, provides a stable foundation for growth and deep understanding of life’s journey, having led thousands in meditation and integration. He has been an invaluable guide and continues to be a trusted ally in my pursuit of consciousness and presence.

Please DM us for more details about Dave Dubois and the HEART-OPENING RETREAT, a truly life-affirming experience.

@laurakirar @haciendasubin by @the_real_dnm

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2 months ago

Hacienda Subin
HEART-OPENING RETREAT
~ Inward Bound
~ Breathwork

September 26-27

Friends, it's with great joy that we welcome special guest integrator, Dave Dubois ( https://radicalbalance.net ) to lead our fourth heart-opening & mind-expanding retreat weekend at Hacienda Subin.

My partners and I have worked with Dave for many years, benefitting from his kind and experienced mind. His work with trauma-informed techniques shaped by his training in meditation, Internal Family Systems, and Compassionate Inquiry, provides a stable foundation for growth and deep understanding of life's journey, having led thousands in meditation and integration. He has been an invaluable guide and continues to be a trusted ally in my pursuit of consciousness and presence.

Please DM us for more details about Dave Dubois and the HEART-OPENING RETREAT, a truly life-affirming experience.

@laurakirar
@the_real_dnm
@haciendasubin by @the_real_dnm

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2 months ago

Please join us for our upcoming Heart-Opening Retreat at Hacienda Subin on Sept 26-27.

DM for more details about our guest facilitator.

@laurakirar @haciendasubin by @the_real_dnm

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2 months ago

Heart-Opening Retreat
Higher Love

Sept 26-27
Hacienda Subin

Please DM for more details.

@laurakirar
@haciendasubin by @the_real_dnm

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3 months ago

Finally got my hands on the latest @backcountryhunters Journal and saw my new piece, 𝙉𝙤𝙬, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙍𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧.

Always strange to see your work in print. It never looks quite the same as it does on your page and in your mind.

This one was hard fought. Thanks to @z_williamz for the faith and gentle editing.

A couple of years ago, someone said to me that I talk too much, share too much, have no filter, and no one cares.

Maybe true, but after a lifetime of quiet pain, I talk too much because I fear going back to the alternative.

#backcountry
#flyfishing
#trout
#outdoors
#mentalhealth by @the_real_dnm

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4 months ago

Received a call from a friend who asked if I would take him fishing. I jumped as it would be my first trip of the year. I spent the night putting together two full rigs of my favourite trout rods - the Redington Classic Trout and @lamsonflyfishing reels.

Fishing was off, so we just talked for hours until we made it back to the cars, put the rods on the roof of my car, and dumped all the gear in the back.

He drove off and I fiddled with some shit before I followed. I saw the first rod slide off the roof about 1/2 mile down the road. The second as I frantically pulled over.

The 5wt was missing a tip section though otherwise intact. The 4wt was run over by a few cars before I could get to it. Both top sections crushed. Surprisingly, the guides were intact. The reels had a little road rash.

Such a rookie mistake. Always count the anglers and the rods before you leave.

@redingtongear does your warranty cover stupidity?

#flyfishing #redingtongear #flyrods by @the_real_dnm

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4 months ago

New work for @backcountryhunters. Unfortunately, you have to be a member to read it.

This feels like an end to a series of dead-end walks that took most of a lifetime. The very core that defined me worn like illuminated sack cloth as I stumbled from one blind alley to another. In the end, standing in the light, I’m not sure any of it matters at all. And now that it’s done, I don’t know what to do next. (I’m curious if I would make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.)

—

I write and try to satisfy myself and the person that pays me, but once in a while I get unsolicited feedback. If I’m lucky, it comes from a respected friend who I know will give it to me straight.

@heatherphysioc is an accomplished speaker on all things search, but more interestingly to me, a world-class photographer and writer. And a seriously cool chick.

Thank you, Heather. And thanks to @_miketsang_ who supplied the photo.

#flyfishing
#mentalhealth
#trout
#forgiveness
#mountain by @the_real_dnm

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5 months ago

Excerpt from “Now, the River” out soon in the @backcountryhunters journal.

~~~

The elk hair caddis landed where the riffle spilled into the soft water and was immediately attacked. Up and down in an emerald blink as I fumbled with the line and missed the strike. The fish was six inches long, and I have a made-up rule that every inch of a missed fish represents one minute of resting time, but impatiently, I flicked the fly to the same spot. The trout struck and a few seconds later, I cupped it in my wet hand.

Small and delicate, the brook trout may be one of the most beautiful animals ever created. As a kid, when distance had wonder, I would sit in front of my tiny TV watching National Geographic and marveling at the speed of the cheetah and the killing grace of the Peregrine falcon. But the brook trout was poetry to me, written in a language that bursts with staccato code on its speckled side, yet hiding the deep secrets of the mountains in its lyrical prose. There are still magical creatures in the world, and this one quivered in my fingers.

I let slip my hand and the fish swam back to its secrets.

#flyfishing #trout #brooktrout #catskills by @the_real_dnm

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6 months ago

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever written.

Deeply personal and completely unpublishable. The piece was based on something I flippantly said on @thereverendhunter podcast when Tony asked me why I fly fish.

“Rivers wash away our sins.”

Two years of that idea at the edge of my peripheral vision. I needed it to be solid, something I could grasp and embrace. Prove. Confront. Then destroy. Crumble in my bare hands. I started writing.

It is a strange thing to create something knowing that you will tear it apart.

I had a random conversation with @troy_basso who suggested I reach out to Zack Williams, the editor at @backcountryhunters. I pitched and he accepted. Then he asked me to wait six months for the spring issue. Time that allowed me to edit again. I lost a thousand shitty words while adding back two hundred better ones.  “Now, the River” tells the story of my discovery that rivers also wash away the sins of our fathers. But like all spiritual cleansings, there’s a blood price to be paid.

It should be out very soon in print and online.

Thanks to all who helped me relive the story.

#flyfishing #outdoors #outdoorswriter #trout by @the_real_dnm

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6 months ago