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The Butterfly Effect 🦋

@thecrystalcha

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I’d rather reach the end of my life with stories than regrets 🌷 ASB MBA | Brand & Marketing @ Applecrumby 🍎🩷 | LP245 | Lived in 3 continents 🇫🇮🇺🇸🇲🇾🇬🇧

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Perhaps the reason why you were always the hardest one to let go of is not just because I missed you… but I missed the version of me I became with you. Bright-eyed, hopelessly in love, *hopeful* that a divorced woman could actually love again in a non-practical, ticking checkboxes way, but in an unreasonable, throw all logic out the window way. A version that felt alive, like a woman and a girl again, both at the same time.

I am slowly only now beginning to unravel why that version of me was so hard to get over. Perhaps because it was a version living with a love that was hidden and enjoyed in secret, that never had to be held against the light of day, society’s opinions, the daily grind, or the tedium of everyday living. It never had a chance to grow stale, be put under pressure, or tested. And so it has always remained and can always remain in memory… as “perfect”.

It took me so long to realise it, but I think I’m slowly beginning to understand. No matter how many wishful attempts I make to find my way back to a time when it felt like no other love story could ever compare, I will not find my way back there.

I’m older now. I see, in hindsight, what should have been called red flags. I see all the ways I justified and excused and felt empathy for them. And that hopeful, madly in love version of me? She no longer exists. Because in her place is someone who is wiser. Knows better. But before she became that person, she felt like the fool. Again. And again. And again. The hurt feels different when you’re telling your heart to say goodbye to the same person not once… not twice… not three times… but a fourth time. And at some point, you have hurt to the point you realise that there will be nothing in the world you cannot survive.

You’re a little more bruised and battered. But a lot more free.

So this is goodbye… not to you, anymore. To the me who loved and believed blindly. She taught me the most important lessons. Not to stop loving, or stop believing.

Loving and believing was never the problem. The lesson was that no matter what, it’s possible to keep loving. And this time, not blindly. But with eyes washed clear with tears of lessons won the hard way. by @thecrystalcha

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6 days ago

Weekend morning reflections for a new distinction that I’ve just recently found words to describe. by @thecrystalcha

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a month ago

life hasnt turned out how i planned, but maybe THIS is the plan.

was reflecting on my last post about how most of my closest friendships, all the way back from childhood, developed or deepened after working together. and i was wondering if there’s an origin story that goes back even further. turns out, when i stop to reflect, the apple doesnt fall far from the tree.

for better or worse, how i was raised has made me the person i am today. and im learning to leverage the superpowers that have developed, and accept and have compassion for the spiky edges that come along with it. by @thecrystalcha

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a month ago

Some people find it surprising and rare that I’m still close to friends I knew since we were babies or in uni or college or from working together ten years ago.

For me, I’ve always wondered why it’s so hard for me to get close to new people or date strangers (exes I stayed friends with were always friends before we dated).

Recently, it finally clicked. All the people I love most in my life ALL get the relentless pace at which I work and many of them even share that pace or outpace me! And there’s a silent KNOWING and just getting each other that is so hard to find with others 🥹

Realising this made me even more grateful for these people in my life, near and far. Because anything worth doing is worth doing wholeheartedly, and there’s not enough people in the world who do that. by @thecrystalcha

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a month ago

“What is it that you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?”

I think I will spend the rest of it being as much of me as possible. by @thecrystalcha

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a month ago

A dear childhood friend @sarahannyong said to me over a video call a few days ago something that really stuck in my head:

“Of course my standards for dating are high, because my friends treat me so well!”

And it reminded me of something I am finally, finally, so belatedly beginning to learn. It’s better to be single and surrounded by people you choose, who choose you, who make you feel safe, seen, heard, respected, not crazy, loved. Who don’t act like texting back fast is such a chore and don’t expect you to read between the lines. Who tell you when they can and can’t be there for you because communication is a whole love language of its own. Who may not have the right things to say but who show up and share a meal with you on the bad days, in the middle of their busy lives.

I would rather have my village, the ones I can have low effort dinners with, when we’re sick or stressed about work, who have seen me without makeup, who remember my milestones and invite me to theirs, than to be in a relationship that feels like it would fall apart if I stop managing it, reminding, or following up.

In my twenties, I lived like romance was as essential to life as oxygen. Now, in my thirties, after being knocked around a bit more by life, I know friendship is what is essential. Romance is the icing on the cake, which I will not say no to, should it come… just that I will never lose myself again in chasing it down.

Because I already know what it feels like to be loved. My friends set the bar so high ❤️ by @thecrystalcha

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a month ago

In my books, all frontline work is the foundation of character building and people management. Many people want to know how to get ahead, and they think it’s the network or the MBA, but for me, one of those crucial ingredients I hold most dear is surviving (and learning to have fun in the in between moments) the trials by fire of:

✅ Juggling multiple things at the same time amidst noise and crowd
✅ Being on your feet all day
✅ Upset / disappointed / entitled customers
✅ Holding your pee when it’s hard to take a break during peak hours
✅ Troubleshooting when mistakes are made or things don’t go as planned
✅ Staying emotionally grounded through it all

As someone who’s been working part-time jobs for a side income since 16 and cooked in kitchens, bussed tables, cleaned grease traps, distributed flyers at events, and ran roadshows, this weekend, I’m grateful for a throwback experience with a bunch of people who make me feel like I could be 18 again 😝

And in the middle of the initial chaos, also grateful for such patient, appreciative, and lovely customers along the way too! 🍎🩷

#applecrumby #merdekasale by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago

And for my next trick, I will reinvent myself *again* 💅 by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago

A 20-minute reflection (no AI used - it pains me we live in an age where this needs to be said; but am grateful for space to think, breathe, dream, be, and write poetry):

Tall, elegant, stately, proud
Its stem reaches gracefully to the clouds
Pure, unblemished, clean & white
Its petals unfolding towards the light

While others see the beauty it brings
Only it knows that deep down, it that must sink
Into the mud, the dirt, the dark
Its roots tangle & intertwine, in a contrast so stark

It’s hard to imagine something so clean
Can come from what others consider better unseen
But in all of the muck, the most fertile fuel grows
The power to alchemize dirt into gold

Under the surface, strong currents may flow
Still waters run deep, they say... and often it doesn’t show

But for those patient to wait, to witness, to stay
As morning breaks, it blooms… again, and again, and again.

🪷 by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago

What. A. Life. 🥹 Grateful ❤️🇫🇮🇺🇸🇲🇾🤲

Especially to be home, the place I love most. by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago

LP272 WOW Day - A special day of bringing children from a local home to Genting for the very first time in their lives. ✨❤️

#Asiaworks #LeadershipProgram #WowDay by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago

I usually do a monthly recap but this weekend deserves a whole recap of its own ✨

I can’t believe all the things I fit into one weekend…

…time with people I love, time to treat and recharge myself (and allow myself to be treated!😍), plate upon plate of lush food, three hours of dancing, two hours of yoga, time to work and clear emails, time to pop by a work event and say hi to the team, time to give my kitties treats and some training, two hawker meals (this rarely happens these days!), walking around the city I love like a tourist, some incredible pastels de nata and cardamom buns, AND I got to read… WHAT?!??!

I want to commemorate what might seem like just a regular weekend in the city to some. For me, starting this year very single, lonely, with four fighting cats, one inflamed foot ligament, and a big decision about whether to resign and accept a new job offer or not - many of my weekends were just surviving and dreaming of the day I’ll be able to bring all the things I love together in a life that is aligned.

Six months later, I’m finally starting to see the pieces falling into place. It turns out, when you’re not firefighting and trying to just survive, you can really do and enjoy a LOT! I’m so grateful I never stopped working towards this. Because this life is pretty damn amazing 🥹😍✨ by @thecrystalcha

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2 months ago