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Connie Collins

@thefirstdatediaries

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💋 4 The Wh*res + Romantics 💕
✨Award-Winning S*x Educator | @brownu
✍🏾 Ghostwriter + Poly + K!nk(y) ⛓️‍💥

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How I shoot my shot at parties 🥵

Not sure how to approach someone or initiate play?

Here’s a little guide to flirting without being a creep (full script in video):
* Start with a compliment
* Ask open-ended questions about their desires for the evening
* Remember, if it’s not a “yes” it’s a “no”—respect that!

Rejection isn’t a reflection of your worth. We’re allowed to explore connections with clarity, confidence, and care.

But, we’re not entitled to anyone’s body or their time.

Want a part 2 on how to turn someone down gracefully? Let me know below.

#firstdatediaries #shootyourshot #flirting #datingadvice #parties #polyamory #nonmonogamy #hookup #consent taken in Brooklyn, New York by @thefirstdatediaries

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2 years ago

TSA is gonna LOVE what’s in my bag 😭✈️

Honestly, I simply refuse to pack light when I’m traveling, especially to see my long-distance 😈 partner. Priorities, people!!

Drop a 🫣 if you wanna see what’s in my bag 👀

#firstdatediaries #longdistance #tsa #dating #travel #datingstories #polyamory taken in Jet Blue Terminal At JFK International Airport by @thefirstdatediaries

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2 years ago

when i say i got that dog in me…it’s actually 2 dogs 😗

one’s a hard core lover girl, real die hard romantic 🥰
and the over is an insatiably explorative freak 😛

they get along SO well, bc honestly it’s too much pressure to pick a lane 💅🏾

choosing between my lover girl era and my hoe phase always felt like setting myself up to fail 🤷🏽‍♀️

instead i honor both 🙂‍↔️ and you’d be shocked to know it’s made my dating stricter and my roster realll dry 💀

#lovergirl #datingadvice #hookup #compatibility by @thefirstdatediaries

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13 hours ago

i love to play w couples & groups…who actually communicate 🥹

a LOT of people show up to the play party with partners or people they’ve planned group scenes with so honestly these questions are wildly important if you wanna get down and dirty in the most informed way possible 😛

PART 2 QUESTIONS (listed 🤠):

4. what’s on or off the table??!
👉🏾 obviously someone’s we don’t know we have a boundary till it’s crossed. but if you know something makes you uncomfy?? chat it out with your partner, because i you don’t talk know you’ll probably be having a **discussion** later

5. if we come together are we leaving together??
👉🏾 for me? always yes. but for others, sometimes not really. just align on your plan before hand and find each other if it needs to change. always make sure your boos get home safe 🥰

BONUS 😛 wtf is aftercare after a play party with your lover?
👉🏾 whether that’s a cuddle or a voice memo or a lil dinner the night after, make sure you’re caring for each other in ways that feel meaningful to you. don’t matter what it looks like, it just matter that it matters 🤷🏽‍♀️

#polyamory #playparty #datingadvice #nycparties by @thefirstdatediaries

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11 days ago

this is for 1st dates, polycules, throuples, and anyone attending a party with a spicy connection 🙂‍↔️

also i’m so sorry this is only half the questions LOL as it turns out i love to yap (who knew!) and this would’ve been over 2 min so the rest of question 3 + 4, 5 and a BONUS will come sooooon 😛

THE QUESTIONS (and some reasoning ish) 👼🏾

1. Are we playing with *others* at all tonight?!
👉🏾 a married friend of mine made me reflect on this recently. she said she’d feel conflicted attending a party with her husband if they only wanted to play with each other in a semi public setting. i was like girl YES U CAN. i often go to parties solo and don’t play! and partnered people have that right too 🤩

2. If we ARE playing with others: Are we playing together? Solo? Or both?
👉🏾 some partnerships are only cool with group play together. some only want to play separately. some phase through both! there’s no right or wrong, only what affirms your relationship. HOWEVER yal HAVE to be upfront about playing only together. it can be jarring for people who you’re flirting with to find out later, after discussing the prospect of play, that you have a partner and this is only happening if they want you both. allow them the agency they deserve to make that call early on :)

3. If we’re playing TOGETHER ONLY, who are we comfortable playing with?!
👉🏾 This question can be testy and hard to discuss because it brings up the topic of s🥰xuality and attraction. it also affects queer fems dating straight men (i find) the most! bc like if you can ONLY play together and your straight partner will NOT play with other men or masc folks, or any specific gender etc, that does put someone in the position of forgoing spicy experiences with certain people they’re attracted to

which in my opinion is so not cool! anywho, this is gonna look different for everyone so my point here is not to pass judgment but to encourage conversation & clarity so no one gets burned 🥹

ok pt 2 soon!!!

#nonmonogamy #polyamorous #datingadvice #playparty by @thefirstdatediaries

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13 days ago

you’ve never been in love if you haven’t been someone’s co conspirator 👼🏾

and to be fair, by this measure i’ve never been in love either. i’ve “seen” plenty of people, knew their boundaries their habits their tendencies their mannerisms and quirks.

i thought being intimate with someone’s details was…love i guess. and i’d think i KNOW this person. but truthfully i didn’t really understand how they became this version of themselves and i most certainly wasn’t invested in the version they’d be more than a few months down the road 🤷🏽‍♀️

ANYWHO this is just my two cents, take it or leave ittttt 🥰

#tobeloved #datingadvice #lovergirl by @thefirstdatediaries

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16 days ago

this is NOT social anxiety friendly i’m so sorry 🥺

i’m a severe introvert but great as masquerading as an introvert which this method does require. being personable is generally helpful AHHHH.

i have great online methods too but this one is more fun imo!

IMPORTANT THINGS TO NOTE:

1 not all spicy shops look the same and some towns and cities may have ones that skew more 🥵 toys or lingerie rather than fet!sh gear or wear. don’t let that deter you the people working there still may know what’s up

2 THAT SAID you do not have a right to any kind of information from anyone. either they know and feel comfortable steering you in the right direction or they don’t know / don’t wanna tell. never demand never pry ALWAYS say thank u and let them work in peace

3 NEVER EVER just ask “do you know of any 🥵 parties around here?” you gotta recognize that’s a very intimate question and we can’t assume that people want to be asked that. plus a person who knew of one now won’t tell u bc clearly you’re willing to potentially violate someone’s boundaries just to get what you want. be chill pleaseee

ok love u bye 😚

#playparty #datingadvice #hookup #sociallife by @thefirstdatediaries

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21 days ago

why date multiple people if you’re gonna be kinda unhappy with all of them?

if you’re constantly running to another “partner” to get what you can’t have with the other, none of those relationships have legs to stand on

many enm people, myself included, hold fast to the recognition that we cannot demand that any one person meet all of our needs. that feels wildly tied to the culture erected around monogamy, which as esther perel put it has us turning “to one person for the protection and emotional connections that a multitude of social networks used to provide.”

so yes, one person can’t be everything to you at all times. we can’t outsource the emotional labor, inner work or maintenance of our lives to someone else. but the relationships we intentionally build with others…should meet everyone’s needs & expectations.

i do need quality time, i do need relationship check ins, i do need honesty & transparency. this varies from person to person ofc, but i don’t want to be in a relationship where these things don’t exist.

and i will let go of a connection that can’t meet me there. that’s not selfish or inflexible though. it’s just recognizing that…we aren’t compatible haha!

maybe it’s bc we can date multiple ppl that poly & enm ppl as a whole feel cool with dating or seeing ppl that they’re only halfway into, is only half way showing up for them, or only half way respecting our boundaries or only working with our agreements half the time.

and the excuse every time? well they can’t meet all of my needs so it’s ok. rather than respecting this is its own dynamic who’s ecosystem needs to be in balance too.

it’s ok to not date someone you’re not compatible with. and it’s ok to be single. you’re just as poly i promise (i say to myself as i say goodbye to yet another prospect i was hopeful about)

#polyamory #datingadvice #enm #relationshipmanagement by @thefirstdatediaries

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24 days ago

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a month ago

you need to interview the s🥵x party like they’re interviewing you

if you don’t pull a member to the side and pick their sexy lil brain about why they attend this collective, what they like & why you’re doing it wrong

it’s a blessing that spicy spaces open up their community to ppl they haven’t vetted yet explicitly so newcomers can explore

obviously not all k!nky spaces require membership to attend hotter & heavier play events but many do, especially in nyc, so this is your opportunity to:

1. asses the vibe. can you see yourself here? do you feel in your element or wildly uncomfy?
2. make friends who are members that can vouch for you when you apply
3. vet the party as much as they’ll vet you

it’s as much your choice to be apart of these communities as it is a collective’s choice to curate the kind of community they’re building

and sometimes what they’ve built is not something you want anything to do with. and sometimes it soooo is 🤭

#playparty #datingadvice #nycnightlife #vetting by @thefirstdatediaries

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a month ago

i don’t believe in don’t as don’t tell TO BE CLEAR

if that’s something you need i would ask yourself if you truly feel aligned with polyamory as a relationship style 🥺

BUT that’s beside the point. we usually get a lil freaked to establish boundaries or negotiate guardrails on how we wanna talk to our lovers and partners and sexy ppl in our lives because…aren’t i supposed to WANT to hear it all?

how can say i experience compersion, that im ecstatic when my lover is taken care of and happy and pleasured if i dont want to hear every single detail all of the time?

sharing is only as good as it promotes your connection to each other and lord KNOWS when i get into overshare territory, sharing more than what i genuinely believe will bring me closer to this person, it’s usually:
1. self protective
2. distancing
3. an attempt to prove i’m soooo poly

i have specific reasons on the above which i think maybe i’ll share later if it seems like it would resonate.

anywho! take it or leave it bb! i just see too many ppl hate on themselves for wanting to articulate boundaries around this stuff like it makes them bad at non monogamy, polyamory specially 😔 but!! we’re being totally normal humans

#polyamory #boundarysetting #dontask #datingadvice #oversharing by @thefirstdatediaries

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2 months ago

ok i won’t collar and leash him to my desk at the office but like…

it should be ok if i’m walking him in the park, or if he kneels for me at the dinner table, or if he bows to kiss my feet outside the movie theater

i don’t see how that’s any different than a hot makeout on the corner or holding hands or cuddling up on the subway

the only difference is the perception of power & D/s dynamics and especiallyyyy femdom and that k!nk has been culturally linked to amorality, sickness, impurity even evil for forever.

but puritan and victorian morality hangovers aren’t my problem. and i don’t get how other ppl have the right to police how i choose to show affection.

i’m sorry your family put the fear of sx and care and desire and relationships beyond the heterosexual nuclear family in you. that really sucks and i hope you heal 🥺🫶🏾

#powerplay #domme #goodboy #datingadvice #flr by @thefirstdatediaries

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2 months ago