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Simi Polonsky

@thelifeofsimi

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Inspirational speaker ✨ life after loss
Podcast host 🎤 @itsnotaboutmebysimi
Outfit lover
Founder @thefrocknyc
Shua forever in our ❤️

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What a man.
I could spend a lifetime writing about the man you were, and in many ways, still are.
….
He’s been speaking to me more these last two weeks.
I mean, he does, in general… pretty consistently… but these last two weeks he’s dropped deeper into my consciousness, not to be confused with my subconscious.

I’m talking day-to-day things, like texting someone I haven’t texted since 2017, only to find the last exchange was about Shua.
A photo someone found while they were cleaning out their office drawer, and then a couple more.

And asking a stranger for the time on my hour-long walk when I was rushing to get home, only to be told it’s not 11:08 or 11:10, but 11:09. His numbers. The (Gregorian) day his body left this world.
Waking up from vivid dreams where the sensation of losing someone, even after 9 years, is still as tangible as the love.

A woman I sat next to at shul recently, who I’d never met, told me that she’ll never forget words Shua shared at a Shabbat table over 20 years ago. She’s been wanting to tell me for 9 years.

Shu… you left an indelible mark on our planet, and for a while I didn’t know how the world was going to make it without you.

It’s a wild ride living and communicating in two worlds, consciously. And it’s ironic too, because for someone who’s been terrified of rides my entire life, I don’t want to get off this one.

It’s a language I never want to stop learning.
Tender, sacred, and so powerful.
It gives me agility in a world where we just don’t know what is coming next,
And has extended the width, breadth and opacity of my capacity… to hold just so.much.life.

So as the years go by, and tonight, as 9 years comes close, I’ve become even more fluent in this language I’d never have opted to learn, but feel privy to speak.
The language of the soul.

And as long as I live, I am committed to never stopping to deepen my relationship with my soul.
Not because I need to become closer to you, Shu. But because as long as I’m rooted in my body in this world, feeling my soul is what makes me feel most alive. And I know how big that makes you smile.

What a man you were Shu, what a soul you are. by @thelifeofsimi

All or Nothing
I didn’t remind anyone that this Friday coming up was Shua’s yahrtzeit. That this time, it was going to be 9 years.
The reality of it hasn’t quite moved beyond my cognitive understanding, beyond the simple sound of the words: 9 years.

It sounds like such a long time, reads like such a long time, and really is such a long time. Like, a big deal long time.
But I don’t want to have to defend the closeness I still feel, the sound of his voice I still hear.. I dont want to choose between the enormity of his absence and the fullness of his presence
So I just let that number hover in my periphery, and not remind anyone, until today, a day before.

I think I know why.
As soon as my body began inching towards thinking about what to do, how to mark it, how to commemorate, I became momentarily frozen, then utterly deterred. Because nothing, absolutely nothing, would be quite big enough to mark this big deal.
It felt too big, too pressured, and sent my mind into its all-or-nothing response.
First, nothing became the response.
Nothing.

Here I am, just two days before it has officially been 9 years since your body felt like mine, the kids’, and every other human who has the privilege of living on this earth, breathing.
And I realize, 9 years is just like my body’s response to it.

Nine years is everything. And nine years is nothing.

A lifetime will go by, and you will forever be in our everyday. That I know and feel, and mostly, trust so, so deeply.
In the all.
You exist in the life we have learned to open ourselves to. Your breath still, somehow, enlivens our home, your children, my decisions, my worries, my stresses, my joys... it just is there.

And the nothing?
We are the same, but for the skin, flesh and bones that separate the living from the souls that live eternally.
It is precisely in the all and nothing where I live, because that is the gift of having a soul within this body.
Shu…. You will always be so alive to me. Such a gift to me, to our kids.
Thank you for your continual encouragement, your belief in me to live, to love, to shine and to be so, so happy.

Cont in comments by @thelifeofsimi

I love speaking. I love sharing. I love being on a stage… It fills me up.
And knowing that what fills me up can give something to someone else is pretty incredible.

Getting to do this from “this side” of my story feels both monumental and like such a normal part of my life today.
Raquel, my story may have been what brought us together, but you’ve always believed in the me beyond it.
Thank you for believing in me at a time I didn’t quite believe in myself.🤍 Thank you @theparadigmshift__ and @gracecayre for the conversation that has just begun. Much love and to many more stages xx

@jennybraham.realty may you continue doing beautiful things in your gorgeous spaces by @thelifeofsimi

In a lifetime, I swear I’d never have believed these pictures could exist in the same carousel, or that the range of it all could live so “normally” inside me.

Beautiful, tragic and at peace too.

I’m so grateful for this life. by @thelifeofsimi

May all the blessings in your life be obvious, and overflowing ✨✨✨

@pure_artanddesign the most gorgeous and special Havdalah candle that has changed my life ILY by @thelifeofsimi

Everyone’s gotta eat, so someone’s gotta cook. Chag Sameach

Sisters who cook @sheva_lipsker @tirzahgestetner by @thelifeofsimi

Just tie a shirt on it!

Rugby tops @shopdollys by @thelifeofsimi

All in favor of Sukkot nap time 🙋🏼‍♀️ by @thelifeofsimi

Charcuterie board like @adinamoss.living did it for you. All in the comfort of your own home. Order your online meats from @harbourgourmetkosher @theharbourgrill by @thelifeofsimi

Part 1: Sukkot entertaining covered with @adinamoss.living and the only charcuterie meat I’m ever eating @theharbourgrill @harbourgourmetkosher by @thelifeofsimi

What if the most beautiful home you ever build isn’t a place?

It’s the one you build inside yourself.

I loved this moment in my conversation with Simi because she named something so deeply human.

We can spend so much of our lives imagining the beautiful home, the relationship, the family, the friendships, the life we want to create.

And there is nothing wrong with wanting those things.

But what happens when you begin to feel at home within yourself, before any of them arrive?

Simi spoke about the courage, bravery, acceptance, and determination it took to build that inner home.

A place that belongs to her.

A place no one can take away.

And maybe that is one of the most beautiful forms of self-love:

Learning to relish your own company.
Learning to feel safe within yourself.
Learning that your life can be deeply beautiful before it looks exactly the way you imagined it would.

The relationship with yourself is the one you carry into every chapter.

So I want to ask you:

Do you feel at home inside yourself?

Listen to my full conversation with Simi through the link in my bio. 🤍

With love,
Ayelet and the Manifestation Method Team

#themanifestationmethod #selflove #innerwork #consciousrelationships #healing by @thelifeofsimi

My kind of GASHMIUS. Happy Yom Kippur Birthday @chani_lisbon always and forever.

The most beautiful candles @pure_artanddesign by @thelifeofsimi