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Amy June | Modern Love Therapist

@thesoftening_

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therapist & community for millennial women navigating modern love ♡
world building inside The Love Club (fall season opens August 17th + free things ↴

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I can’t lie, it feels a little silly to introduce myself (similar to standing up in front of the class) but I know there are some new faces around here and even though it’s easy to be a stranger in this space, let’s not <3

The TLDR? I’m Amy June & I love love. I love learning about it, exploring the shape of it, and working with women as they explore their relationship to it. My partner jokes that if any movie has a remotely relational plot line, I’m hooked (he’s not wrong).

I also love writing and being in community. I think communal spaces make way for our humanity, for the nuances of love & life, and for the truth of the matter which is that we were never meant to do any of this alone.

If you resonate with any of this, give me shout :) also if you’re interested in a few free resources, comment 🤎 and I’ll dm you! by @thesoftening_

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3 months ago

Our culture talks a lot about finding love, but not enough about building it. We don’t just accidentally stumble into a secure, smooth relational dynamic. We build it — brick by tiny brick.

And saying we have to construct our dynamic isn’t that sexy. Mostly because we’ve been sold an inflated, unrealistic version of love & partnership.

The person we “find.” The fact that every rom com ever (which no shade, we know I love them) ends with people getting together, which is the actual starting line of a relationship.

And we do “find” a person in a sense that we meet them, but we *build* a partnership. Through hard conversations. And awkward moments. Through negotiation and tenderness. By saying I’m sorry, and meaning it. By agreeing to take out the trash and being willing to show up again and again. By doing our own personal work, dredging up old stuff, processing it, and digesting it so it doesn’t constantly resurface in our relationship.

I can’t help by wonder — how would we approach love differently if our culture didn’t portray it as something to be discovered, rather than cultivated?

& a belated love day nod to the one who keeps building with me 🤎 by @thesoftening_

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8 months ago

Sometimes we’re grieving a version of ourselves just as much as we’re grieving the relationship. The version that felt safe, that wasn’t afraid to laugh loudly or feel deeply. And sometimes, this is a core element of the non-linear nature of heartbreak.

Realizing that this person brought out a part of us that we hadn’t really met. And it can feel like they’re the only way back, but the truth is, they created the *conditions* of safety for this part of you, but it was always you. It’s still you. And when the time is right, this version of you will be waiting xx by @thesoftening_

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10 hours ago

The art of walking through our grief rather than around it with @open’s Heart & Heartbreak series, dedicated practices for all matters of the heart.

For a free month of @open there’s a link in my bio or dm me and ill send it to you directly xx

#openpartner #ad by @thesoftening_

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2 days ago

Following my yearly read of Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman, an essay on love, finitude, and the fear of regret. To read the full essay, comment “essay” and I’ll dm it to ya xx

I loved wrestling with the Impossible Questions in this one. Love, in so many ways, is existential. It’s a reflection of our time, our choices, and how we spend our days (which is how we spend our lives). by @thesoftening_

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4 days ago

Intimacy, on purpose ♡ a new monthly series for how I’m cultivating emotional intimacy in my relationships. We all know that love is a verb, not a noun, but translating that into our busy lives can feel abstract.

This is just as much a practice & challenge for me to bring intentionality into the relationships I cherish. I’m so curious to hear what resonates for you and what you want to practice in your relationships xx by @thesoftening_

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6 days ago

The romance of surprising your best friend with a day trip. A day of noticing the little things, expansive conversations that don’t fit into length of a cappuccino, and the joy of new experiences together.

Romance is not just reserved for romantic love. And in the model of decentering romantic love, our friendships are a vital part of our network of love. As Bell says, “Deep, abiding friendships are the place where many women know lasting love.” by @thesoftening_

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7 days ago

The intimacy of — a series. This edition is brought to you by the depth of friendship, the dull ache of loss, the moments we almost miss, and the tiny moments of intimacy that are woven into the fabric of everything.

curious to hear yours xx by @thesoftening_

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9 days ago

The bits & bobs, highs & lows of September so here’s everything I learned this month about love, intimacy, and letting go. My learnings come from my work & my life which are so often intertwined.

Curious to hear what resonates & what you’ve learned. Also, I send out a more personal version of this on Substack each month so comment “subby” and I can send you the link to subscribe xx

cover art by the ever talented @jordanschiffer (bottom right) you can purchase her prints on @makereadyeditions by @thesoftening_

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12 days ago

Class is in session! The full curriculum for Modern Love 101 is live on my substack, comment “101” and I’ll dm it to you xx

Curious to hear your thoughts, suggestions, and what would be on your curriculum

Mentioned:
@wildehousepaper (and their intimacy course!)
@bellhookscenter @bellhooks_
@natashachloelunn by @thesoftening_

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14 days ago

The art of loving starts with systemic safety. Then, and only then, can we build the arms of intimacy that we want to live within. by @thesoftening_

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16 days ago

The grief of falling in love & letting go of parts of the life you built from scratch otherwise known as the grief we don’t talk about. If you want to read the full piece on Substack, comment “let’s read” and I’ll send it your way xx by @thesoftening_

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a month ago