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Jake Lawrence

@vanilla.gorilla912

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your favorite angry white boy
drums: @slingblade912
vox: @sorryforthemess_912
learning to skate: @jakelearnstoskate
912

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My princess is a teenager

13 years ago today, Khloe was born, and in that moment I realized I had to become a man. I was still figuring out who I was, but I immediately knew who I needed to be. Every day since, I’ve tried to show her what a man should be. How a man should love, how he should protect, how he should keep his word, and most importantly how he should show up, even when life gets hard. I haven’t always gotten everything right, but I’ve never stopped trying to be the example she deserves.

Being her dad will forever be the greatest privilege of mine. My hope is that when she grows up, she never settles for anything less than the love, respect, and effort she deserves.

The world is brighter for having Khloe in it, and I couldn’t be more proud of the woman she’s becoming. by @vanilla.gorilla912

Lost people

Lost myself

Lost my peace

Slowly finding my way back #SelfCare #Love by @vanilla.gorilla912

not to be.
sorry for the mess. by @vanilla.gorilla912

Haven’t been able to play drums much since the wreck

The collarbone is finally starting to feel normal again, so I’ve been working my way back behind the kit.

OG punk beats are always the best way to knock the rust off. Fucking exhausting.

Here’s a little “Cyco Vision” by Suicidal Tendencies.

I’ma get back right

#SuicidalTendencies #CycoVision #DrumCover #Drums #Ead10 by @vanilla.gorilla912

A couple of weeks ago, Sorry For The Mess released our debut EP, A Place To Stay.

This is my first project as a lyricist since I was a teenager, and I wanted to share a little about what it means to me.

The people closest to me already know this story, but a little over a year ago, my life shifted in a major way and I came dangerously close to ending it.

I survived that darkness. Then I took the thoughts I carried through it and poured them into this project. Performing these songs and revisiting that state of mind has been painful, healing, and incredibly cathartic.

I talk about this struggle onstage because when you’re trapped in that pit, minutes feel like days. The darkness convinces you that you’ll never find your way out. You feel alone. You feel like the world would be better off without you.

We live in an age where we can see what everyone is doing every minute of every day, yet we’ve never been more disconnected. We compare ourselves to everyone. We’ve become so consumed with being seen that we stop truly seeing one another.

Check on your friends…..and really listen when they answer. You might just save a life.

I’m living proof that there is beauty waiting on the other side of that struggle. Keep fighting. Don’t give up. Reach out when you feel alone or believe no one could possibly understand what’s happening inside your head.

More people have been there than you realize. We have to keep talking about it until no one feels ashamed to ask for help…suicidal thoughts have become so stigmatized that people going through it feel insane for telling people they are struggling with it.

Life is beautiful.

No pit is too deep to climb out of.

You are wanted.

I’m so proud of this band, our aggressive style of art, and what we represent. I wanted to say thanks to everyone who’s checked out the project. 500 streams on Apple Music in a couple weeks with no promotion outside of word of mouth is cool as fuck to me.

Lyrics went live on @applemusic last week. @spotify and Amazon Music should be up soon.

If you’re into heavy shit go check em out. It might resonate with you.

Love yall 🫶🏼 by @vanilla.gorilla912

Year 35 was full of playing music, meeting new people at shows, and falling deeper in love with the art-form of aggressive music.

Never would’ve thought when I was in my 20s the busiest and most successful era of being in bands would be in my 30s but here we are.

So fucking excited about the future of @sorryforthemess_912 and @slingblade912

912 forever by @vanilla.gorilla912

i was blind

now i see

a place to stay

was never meant for me by @vanilla.gorilla912

I turned 36 today.

I decided to spend yesterday and today in the studio, recording the debut Sorry For The Mess EP.

There were many times as a 35-year old that I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to see 36.

I know talking about suicide makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but I choose to talk about it because it’s real and apart of so many people’s story.

I know that if I’ve been there, someone else is there right now….probably sitting with it quietly, afraid to talk about it with someone.

There was a day last year when my self-worth had gotten so low, my self-hatred had gotten so high, and I had been battling violently loud suicidal thoughts for so long that I finally woke up and decided that was going to be the day.

I decided I was done fighting.

Ultimately, I didn’t do it.

I chose to stay.

And I am so fucking glad that I did.

The mind I inhabit today feels almost unrecognizable compared to the one I was trapped inside back then.

Today, I want to wake up.

Today, I want to be here.

I want to give everything I have to this life and make something out of however much more of it I’m lucky enough to get.

But I also don’t want to pretend that version of me never existed.

There was a period of my life where my own mind was a terrifying and violent place to be. There were thoughts I couldn’t escape, emotions I couldn’t explain, and things happening inside my head that I didn’t know what to do with.

Eventually, I put those thoughts into words.

Those words became songs made by humans, not fucking AI.

Those songs became the EP we just finished recording.

Yesterday and today, alongside my brothers, I got to stand behind a microphone and scream the words that came from a version of me who didn’t believe he would live long enough to see his 36th birthday.

But I did.

And instead of spending my 36th birthday wishing I wasn’t here, I spent it making something out of all the reasons I almost wasn’t.

This EP means more to me than I can put into words.

“A Place To Stay” is officially recorded.

I cannot wait to share it with you.

Here’s to 36.

Sorry for the fucking mess by @vanilla.gorilla912

Pre-production complete. In one week we enter @hiddenaudio912 for production of “A Place To Stay”. by @vanilla.gorilla912

July 31, 2022

Although July 31 always fucks with me being the day that my sister passed, the universe has given me so many incredible experiences on that day.

A constant reminder that through so much darkness and loss, there can be light.

3 years ago I got to see my favorite band @rageagainstthemachine reunite for their final tour.

It was an absolute bucket list item, and an experience I’ll never forget. #rageagainstthemachine #livemusic by @vanilla.gorilla912

sorryforthemess.

Captured by @andyharvillephoto by @vanilla.gorilla912

Savannah…

Every time we play this city, you remind us why we started doing this in the first place.

Thanks to everyone who keeps showing up….it means a lot to us.

In two weeks, we’re heading into the studio to record our debut EP, A Place To Stay.

This is the beginning of something we’ve poured everything we have into. We can’t wait for you to hear it.

Thank you for believing in us before there was anything to believe in.

Sorry For The Mess by @vanilla.gorilla912