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Kelly Brown

@wildoneofwilder

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Farmer/florist, forest romper. Queer Capricorn busy bee. Find my farm and designs at @dorightflowerfarm

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Last weekend Wawona trip with Ray, Jackie, Sasha and Mana. by @wildoneofwilder

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2 months ago

Rendezvous with in Colorado with “the Germans.” We met in 2020 pre-lockdown in Guanajuato, MX and then hadn’t seen each other again since this spring. Now they are on an 8 month RV road trip of US/Canada. by @wildoneofwilder

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5 months ago

Camp edition. Indians to Big Sur Station thru hike with @fransei_cho

It’s a great privilege to walk through these native Esselen lands. by @wildoneofwilder

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6 months ago

Earth edition. Indians to Big Sur Station thru hike with @fransei_cho

It’s a great privilege to walk through these native Esselen lands. by @wildoneofwilder

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6 months ago

Water edition. Indians to Big Sur Station thru hike with @fransei_cho

It’s a great privilege to walk through these native Esselen lands. by @wildoneofwilder

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6 months ago

by @wildoneofwilder

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7 months ago

Cone Peak via Vicente Flat with Sara and Mana. What a joyful climb up a very big mountain. by @wildoneofwilder

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9 months ago

10 miles of awesome by @wildoneofwilder

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9 months ago

Ok—2016 craze got me looking back at photos so here you go. Looking at these brought up a lot of feels which I will also share. At this period I was probably in peak hot cool girl mode. Super fit, fashionable, dedicated outdoor adventure jock, and settling into my future as flower wizard. I also remember the feeling of having two selves—outwardly I had mastered hotness from a normative male gaze and inwardly I knew I was essentially erasing myself daily. During the end of that year I started dating the last straight cis man I dated. He was super into me, mature, hot, ready to commit and I was bored and uninterested pretty much immediately. No avoidant/anxious drama and games like with my previous boyfriends to distract me from my actual need for something different. I have a clear snapshot in my mind of the feeling of having to end it with him and how scary it was to be stepping away from this companionship and comfy future into the unknown of confronting myself. All of my fears about being unlovable roaring.

10 years later, I feel like I’ve hardly progressed, still lost, yearning, and battered by life. I’ve wasted a lot of time overworking, getting drunk and high, escaping into the woods. This winter has been bringing up a lot for me, pressing me to confront my deep unmet desire to love myself, my body, and find fulfilling healthy intimacy. The complex trauma, depression/anxiety, addiction, trans, perimenopause, business owner, fascism soup is quite the load. Relationships mostly feel hard, anger quick to erupt, social situation feel like I’m a showgirl at carnival—overstimulated, naked, and trying new things to appease the crowd.

I know this is a real downer but acknowledging the ways that this isn’t working instead of dissociating through my various escape modes is important. It’s pushing me to cross some bridges I’ve been avoiding and waking me up to how I’ve exhausted all other options. It turns out endurance isn’t the most important trait a person can have. by @wildoneofwilder

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9 months ago

Today by @wildoneofwilder

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9 months ago

Winter possession inventory and clean out time bringing some notable finds:
1. Potty time at grandma and grandpas. Check out that tile/colored toilet combo + wall to wall carpeting IN THE BATHROOM
2.My little ponies lifetime achievement ceremony
3. Ticket stubs for the 1999 Women’s World Cup USA v Brazil game
4. All my teeth that are no longer in my head (including my wisdom teeth)
5. Grandpas suspenders from the end of his life (no butt? No problem!)
6. My baby blanket. I rubbed off all the satin around the edges. I distinctly remember the feeling of the satin in my finger pits.
7. Grandmas dress 1942. Short, red, exposed shoulder and sequins
8-11. Grandpa’s notebook from his navy years at Moffett Field in Mtn View. 1942. Notice that the first page is basic math. He was a poor teenage kid from rural coal mining Pennsylvania so I doubt he learned much math before this.
12. Mom’s childhood “poodle skirt” except this one has crying onions by @wildoneofwilder

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9 months ago

Crash landed into December and now I’m picking up the pieces. by @wildoneofwilder

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a year ago