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Words Matter

@wordsmattercharity

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Words matter. They stick. They last a lifetime. Their impact shapes who we are and who we become. Help us end verbal abuse of children from adults.

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At Words Matter, we believe that the words we use with and around children shape how they see themselves and the world. 🌎

In the early years, language is more than just communication - it’s a powerful tool that influences a child’s behaviour, self-esteem, and mental health. The way adults speak to children can either build them up or break them down.

With half of all mental health conditions beginning before the age of 14, many taking root in the early years - it’s vital that we choose our words with care. Educators, parents, and caregivers all play a role in creating emotionally safe spaces through language. 💛

#WordsMatter #ChildrenDevelopment #Childrensmentalhealth by @wordsmattercharity

✨ We are thrilled to share that our founder, Jessica Bondy, has been named a winner in the Amazing Women of the Year Awards 2025 by @womanandhome!

Recognised as the 'Children’s Cheerleader', Jessica has been honoured for her pioneering work in founding Words Matter - the first organisation in the world dedicated to ending childhood verbal abuse by adults, an issue that affects a shocking 2 in 5 children.

Jess shared:
"This award is not just mine - it belongs to our team, everyone supporting our mission and every child who deserves to grow up in a world filled with kindness, encouragement and respect. Being recognised as a 'Children's Cheerleader' reminds me why I started this journey: to speak up for children and be their champion. Recognition like this is wonderful and fuels our efforts even more. Thank you!"

And here she is in the newly released October issue - fully styled and coiffed for the shoot - and a pic of the award itself.

Well done Jess - so well deserved! 💛

Read the full article here http://womanandhome.com/life/inspirational-women/amazing-women-awards-2025

#AmazingWomenAwards #WordsMatter #ChildProtection #EndVerbalAbuse by @wordsmattercharity

Words Matter - a poem by Tally Gilbert @pinky_studio_by_tally

Please help @wordsmattercharity end verbal abuse of children by adults.

Join our mission via hello@wordsmatter.org

Together we can change the lives of children.

DoP - @maxmontgomdop
Talent - @ethans_world24

#WordsMatter by @wordsmattercharity

Setting boundaries doesn't have to mean using hurtful words.

Children need boundaries, but you can set them without making a child feel small, ashamed or unheard.

Explaining the reason why, listening to their perspective and holding the boundary calmly can help children process the decision, feel respected and as they grow develop the skills to make safe choices for themselves.

Let’s build children up, not knock them down.

You can be firm without being hurtful.

#WordsMatter by @wordsmattercharity

This Halloween, let’s remember that some of the scariest things for a child can be the words they hear from the adults in their lives. We all get overloaded and stressed sometimes, and can say things we later regret.

Try to stop, breathe and think before you speak.

It is never too late to put things right. An apology is a start.

#WordsMatter by @wordsmattercharity

The voice they hear becomes the voice within.

A special painting by Words Matter Youth Advisory Board member @durukaya22 and MSc student at @annafreudcharity and @uclpals, to communicate an important message for adults around children.

In the painting, the little girl sits in a puddle of spilled milk, but remains calm, collected, and unashamed. Her mother’s words, “I can learn from mistakes,” have become her own. She is telling herself she will be okay.

Children don’t arrive with an inner voice. They develop one by listening to the adults around them. The words that adults use to respond to a spilled carton of milk, a wrong answer, or a broken object becomes the way children speak to themselves for the rest of their lives.

Our research with over 1,000 children with Family Kids & Youth revealed that one of the most helpful phrases is ‘It’s ok to make mistakes, you can learn from them.”

Words matter. Let’s build children up, not knock them down. by @wordsmattercharity

Huge congratulations to @harrykane on winning the Ballon d’Or - football’s most prestigious individual award, recognising the world’s best player.

Confidence and resilience don’t appear overnight. They’re built over time through encouragement, belief and the messages we hear from the adults around us.

Harry Kane has often spoken about the unwavering encouragement of his parents, Patrick and Kim, who helped him navigate setbacks, believe in himself and keep working towards his goals.

It’s a reminder that the words we say to children today can help shape the belief they carry for life.

As Harry has reflected:

“I had to go through many ups and downs, especially early in my career. I was never the person that people thought was going to be the superstar like some of the guys now.

“I had to bide my time and work hard, a lot of times it was me against my own mind and I had to come through it, I had to show self-belief, determination.”

Let’s build children up, not knock them down.

Words matter. They stick. They last a lifetime. They shape who we are and who we become. by @wordsmattercharity

Three things to avoid saying to a child when they’re angry..

When emotions are running high, our words can either help a child feel safe and understood, or make those big feelings even bigger.

"What’s wrong with you? Just calm down!”
This can leave your child feeling misunderstood or criticised, which may escalate their anger rather than calm it.

“Stop being so dramatic!”
Children are still learning how to understand and regulate their emotions. Labelling their behaviour can make them feel isolated rather than supported.

“It’s not a big deal!”
Even if something seems small to us, it can feel very big to a child. Minimising their feelings can make it harder for them to trust us with their emotions.

💛 Try saying this instead:

✨ “I can see you’re really upset. If you’d like to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

✨ “I get a sense you’re feeling angry and frustrated. What would be most helpful for you right now?”

✨ “I understand this is hard for you. Let’s figure out a way to solve it together.”

Instead of dismissing their emotions, try acknowledging what they’re feeling, listening without judgement and helping them work through it.

Remember, validating your child’s feelings doesn’t mean accepting every behaviour. It means showing them that their emotions are heard and understood, while guiding them towards healthier ways to express and manage them.

We don’t have to get it right every time. What matters is being willing to reflect, repair and learn.

Save this post for the next big-feelings moment.

#WordsMatter by @wordsmattercharity

There are certain factors that can make it more likely for childhood verbal abuse by adults to occur. However, having one or more of these factors does not necessarily mean that someone will talk to children in ways that can be harmful.

We all get overloaded sometimes and it’s important to understand that stressors or life’s challenges may be affecting how an adult communicates with your child, sometimes without realising it.

That’s why understanding the impact of our words, recognising when our own wellbeing is affecting our interactions, and knowing when to seek support are so important.

Research shows that some people who have experienced verbal abuse may repeat the pattern. But it can be stopped with greater awareness and understanding.

It’s never too late to put things right and an apology is a start. We can break the cycle.

For further advice, check out our free online course by searching Words Matter on @FutureLearn.com.
Let’s build children up.

#WordsMatter by @wordsmattercharity

The Pain of Shame

Shame can be a deeply painful emotion for children, shaping how they see themselves, their worth, and their place in the world. Unlike guilt, which focuses on specific actions, shame is about feeling flawed or unworthy, and it can have lasting effects on their emotional well-being and relationships.

Shame can develop through the words and responses of the adults around them, even when there is no intention to hurt. It can stem from:

• Criticism: Feeling constantly corrected or made to feel they are getting things wrong.
• Public humiliation: Being scolded, ridiculed, or embarrassed in front of others.
• Unrealistic expectations: Feeling they are never good enough or can never meet expectations.
• Comparison: Being compared to siblings, classmates, or friends and feeling they fall short.

Children don’t always have the words to express shame, but it may show up through:

• Self-critical statements such as “I’m so stupid” or “I can’t do anything right.”
• Avoiding challenges or withdrawing from social situations.
• Tearfulness, low self-esteem, or a heightened need for reassurance.
• Anger, frustration, or emotional outbursts when things go wrong.

So, how can we help children feel safe, valued, and accepted?

- Create a safe space where they can express their feelings without fear of judgment.
- Guide rather than shame, focusing on the behaviour or situation rather than labelling the child.
- Acknowledge their feelings and help them understand that making mistakes is part of learning.
- Remind them that your love and acceptance are not dependent on their behaviour, achievements, or ability to get things right.
- Model self-compassion by showing them how to learn from mistakes without being unkind to themselves.

The words we use, and the way we respond when things go wrong, shape how children learn to see themselves.

Let’s choose words that guide, encourage, and build children up - rather than words that leave them feeling ashamed.

#WordsMatter #ThePainOfShame by @wordsmattercharity

On the day the @childrenscommissioner for England publishes The Childhood Lottery, Prime Minister Andy Burnham writes in @thetimes about the future of young people. Both raise a fundamental question: are we giving every child the chance to thrive?

The Childhood Lottery brings together 162 measures of children's lives, revealing how profoundly opportunities depend on where a child grows up. Read here: https://bit.ly/3WzDUKw

The findings are stark:
• More than 1 million children had active referrals to mental health services in 2024–25.
• 55% of pupils did not achieve grade 5 or above in both English and maths GCSEs.
• 12% of children said they did not feel safe in their local area.

Meanwhile, Burnham highlights nearly one million 16–24-year-olds not in education, employment or training, calling for better access to skills, work opportunities and timely mental health support. Read here: https://bit.ly/4iu1JvO

These challenges are connected. Children's experiences today shape their opportunities tomorrow. Connection, belonging and confidence matter.

At Words Matter, we believe how we treat children matters. The words we use matter. How we make children feel about themselves matters.

Children need to feel safe, heard, respected and valued. Adults' words can build confidence and belonging - or undermine them.

If every young person is to fulfil their potential, we must listen to children, invest in support, tackle inequalities and recognise our responsibility in shaping childhood.

A child's future should not be determined by their postcode, circumstances or how others make them feel.

Children and young people deserve more than the chance to get by. They deserve the chance to thrive.

As Burnham concludes in The Times:

“The next generation of Britons has enormous talent. Our job is to give them the chance to prove it.” by @wordsmattercharity

What could we learn from the orchid and the dandelion when it comes to children?

There is an excellent book called The Orchid and the Dandelion by Dr W. Thomas Boyce, which offers a powerful message about understanding children.

It describes how some children are like dandelions. They may be able to adapt and thrive in a wide range of environments, navigating challenges with relative ease.
Others are more like orchids. They may be more sensitive to their surroundings.

But here’s the beautiful part: with the right environment, relationships and support, orchid children can truly flourish.

An important message is that sensitivity isn't a weakness, and resilience doesn't mean a child doesn't need support.

Our role isn't to make every child the same. It's to understand what each child needs to feel safe, connected and able to thrive. The words we use, the way we respond and the relationships we nurture with children all play a vital role in shaping their futures.

Children's brains are built in response to the relationships they grow up with. Warm, encouraging words and stable, secure relationships are the building blocks all children need to grow and blossom.
How we understand a child and the words we choose when speaking to them can make a world of difference.

Let's build children up, not knock them down and create environments where every child has the opportunity to become the very best version of themselves.

#WordsMatter #ChildDevelopment #EmotionalWellbeing by @wordsmattercharity