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Rob Allan | Doctor of Psychology

@approval.removal

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🦋 Embrace authentic and confident living and let go of approval-seeking.
📖 Approval Removal out soon! — join the waitlist!👇🏻

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Quick question. When you imagined it going badly, whose face did you see?

That's the real obstacle. Not the risk, the audience.

Failure only feels fatal when your worth is borrowed. When it's yours, failure is just information you didn't have last week. You've got information now. Most people are still guessing.

#approvalremoval #personalgrowth taken in Sydney, Australia by @approval.removal

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2 months ago

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3 months ago

Sometimes we treat discomfort like an enemy.

We distract ourselves, keep saying yes, stay busy, or push harder just so we do not have to sit with what we are feeling.

But discomfort is not always there to punish us. Sometimes, it is trying to get our attention.

It may be pointing to a need we have ignored for too long, rest, honesty, space, support, boundaries, or a life that actually feels more aligned.

Dr Rob’s reminder is simple: before you rush to shut the feeling down, pause and ask what it might be trying to show you.

Follow @approvalremoval for more thoughtful conversations on self-awareness, approval-seeking, and emotional wellbeing.

#ApprovalRemoval #DrRob by @approval.removal

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3 months ago

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4 months ago

Why does thinking suddenly feel harder when someone is watching you work? 🤔🫣

You’re not imagining it!

When someone is closely observing you, part of your brain stops focusing on the task and starts focusing on how you’re being judged.

Your attention splits.

Less bandwidth for thinking.
More bandwidth for impression management.

Over time the question quietly shifts from:

“What is the best way to do this?”

to

“What will my boss approve of?”

That shift is one of the hidden drivers of approval-seeking at work.

Read the full article in bio. 🙂

#ApprovalRemoval
#WorkPsychology
#LeadershipMindset
#Overthinking
#Micromanagement
#HighPerformers
#WorkplaceCulture
#LeadershipGrowth taken in Australia by @approval.removal

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7 months ago

It’s February already!

New Year's motivation fades. Wiring doesn’t.

Since January 1, have you been making purposeful choices, or performing quietly for approval?

Approval seeking rarely looks like insecurity.
It looks like competence. Compliance. Being low maintenance. Being impressive.

It feels productive. It even feels virtuous.
But over time, it shrinks who you are.

This year doesn't have to be about becoming someone completely new.
But it can be about removing what was never you to begin with.

Where has approval seeking shaped your choices so far this year? by @approval.removal

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8 months ago

How many times have you felt good about yourself only after someone gave you a like, a compliment, or a pat on the back?

The truth is, peace that depends on approval of others is a fragile peace at best. It fades fast or vanishes completely the moment you perceive some kind of disapproval.

The real shift happens when you stop outsourcing your worth. Try anchoring your identity in what’s true and lasting - maybe it’s discovering your purpose, reconnecting with your values, or finding the quiet confidence that comes from living with integrity. Real peace and freedom are far more likely to be found closer to those places. by @approval.removal

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a year ago

The need to feel valued is a fundamental part of being human and sets our sense of self-worth, but that doesn’t mean we have to be eternally dependent on others to determine our value.

To get off the approval-seeking loops, start noticing when you’re adjusting your words, choices, or even personality to get a positive reaction. Ask yourself: If no one acknowledged this, would I still want to do it?

Shifting your focus from external approval isn’t about rejecting validation altogether but about learning how to draw it from internal reinforcement of your own values – putting your self-worth back in your own hands. by @approval.removal

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2 years ago

Real self-worth doesn’t come from meeting others’ expectations or seeking their approval. But many of us feel trapped by the need to please, thinking our value depends on what others think.

When we let go of others’ opinions, we free ourselves from their judgments. Instead of trying to fit in, we can ask ourselves: What do I believe in? What gives me joy? What aligns with my values? This shift empowers us to live authentically, with purpose and meaning from within.

By prioritizing our values, we build a solid foundation for self-worth that’s unshaken by outside opinions. Trust yourself and follow what matters to you—self-worth grows when you listen to your own voice. by @approval.removal

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2 years ago

Your worth isn’t tied to what you own or the title on your business card. It’s easy to believe that a certain job, a bigger house, or a nicer car makes us more valuable — that’s one of the illusions society keeps pushing. But the truth is, none of these things define who you are unless you let them.

Whether you’re in a cozy apartment or a spacious home, driving an old car or a new one, working your dream job or still figuring it out — none of it changes your inherent worth.

Real value can’t be measured by what’s in your wallet. It shows up in the impact you have on others, the joy you create, and the love you give. It’s your character, values, and the connections you nurture that truly matter — far more than any designer bag ever will. by @approval.removal

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2 years ago

Many people cling to the belief that they need to be flawless to be worthy of love and respect. This often stems from childhood expectations where mistakes or failures were met with criticism or rejection. But the truth is, nobody is perfect, and our imperfections make us unique and human.

Tying your value to perfection sets you up for disappointment. Perfection is an impossible standard, and chasing it leads to stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. Instead of aiming for perfection, strive for excellence within your current capabilities.

Embrace values like kindness, creativity, courage, and your ability to learn and grow from experiences. These qualities are far more important than any
notion of being perfect.

When you start accepting yourself and others, with all the strengths and flaws that come from being human, you open the door to a more joyful and
fulfilling life. by @approval.removal

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2 years ago

What you believe about your value and worth as a person is now up to you, not someone else - unless you allow them to define it for you.

It’s ok to appreciate compliments and recognition from others who value impressive achievements. Graciously accept these kind words, but don’t let them become the main source of your validation or self-worth. Relying on external validation around your performance is a game that will ultimately leave you frustrated and exhausted as it means continually bettering past achievements to get new validation this way.

Breaking free from the performance-validation-self worth loop will allow you to focus on what truly matters to you and find fulfilment in values that you get to define. by @approval.removal

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2 years ago