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@gorika.x

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all my mondays are stuck in an endless february. by @gorika.x

181

19

2 years ago

my heavier sin is to
understand, to listen
i invite them all, at my
balcony of scrutiny
when i am a beyond help
apple myself,
rotten, tired &
sometimes, so numb
there are dozens of
claw marks on the
sliver of my soul,
& in the hope to heal
i auction my peace
when my yearning is
to be forgotten, oh
but with the exception
of feeling like i belonged
i keep striving to fulfill their
needs, which i wrote
down as a diminished want
for me, right at the bottom
of my to-do list,
to love myself, & my shine is
my story of abandonment
all i want is to puzzle out,
behold my sins, pick up my soul
& forsee my felicity
and then be gone, but still be loved?
do you get me? or all this is
a little too mingled?
my dear reader, in my head
i find you swaying to my pain
so today marks the day,
i unload to you, a deep set of
eyes, sighed breaths & an
understanding,
to not understand me
to please, sway away with a
pinch of
empathy & promise
to remember me by
as an evolving soul.
a soul who could,
disappear and diminish
for your delight.

-g by @gorika.x

71

5

3 years ago

you were a confidant like my mother
you could protect me and would but
like everyone, you wanted to measure
the needle of my heart with scars of my skin
they say, the ones who love, don’t admire
the inches of your body, pretending to care
was it tough love or the need to prove?

from the warmth like a poem,
to the heat of a burning enemy
you gave it all to our alliance
the horrors of your love held me
for long & haunted the streets
which were, once cushion comfort
made me a liar, hidden behind an i’m fine

the rhythm of your soul & the stillness of
your presence, would have been assurance
to any, any who could be as naive as me
could my care have been implausible for you,
or could your intentions be placid for me
maybe you just exiled me in the moment
or i, slipped away from underneath our prime

all i could yearn for was to be seen by you,
not easily but even when i was painted blue
the musical kit of our banter from your terrace
the crazy, wait, hug me before you go please
the, me stepping up to give you a taller hug
i left, all of this, when you left the sanctuary-
of the little never to be broken home of ours

the agony you left me with, i still wallow
never turn an eye to your street, or wait
never walk the vault of our sacred memories
except, some days when i remember what
little you left me with, not even a bouquet
of goodbye for the death of our carefully
curated secretly translated website
which was full of love, laughter, loneliness-
but only together.

-g by @gorika.x

100

10

3 years ago

to,

~ a comfort in sadness
~ conflicts
~ cynicism for second chances

-g

#poetry #poetrycommunity #poems by @gorika.x

64

9

3 years ago

14,032

the last shred i have of you
is the pain you’ve left me with
let me tell you that
 the scandalous amount of thoughts
that occur in my brain thinking of an
easy way back to you has become
exhausting now
 the last layer of my soul
keep recalling sylvia plath in a loop
that once, if i could just think less,
i could save so much of you &
so much, me
 fourteen thousand thirty two
words are stuck on my back right now,
and even if you were to twist them,
you wouldn’t find the trace of me
 been sleeping in so that way
maybe we could meet, some place,
our thoughts could align, just for a moment
l obsess with the tender bruises of our
conversations over and over again
 it’s getting worse, loving and breathing
all i know is the space in my brain is
full of you but never sure if it’s
one step forward or 3 steps back
 been performing to believe in believing
there’s a special way in which i drown
myself, you’d know since no one has ever
known me like you have or hurt
 stuck stuck stuck, towards the ending
yet again, could you clearly show a face
i can understand?

maybe?
send me the poem of our story, i’d
know it, for one thing i can understand
clearly is complicated things.

-g by @gorika.x

96

11

3 years ago

hurried love/ love with detail.

the irony we all face with love is
that we think we all want the feeling of
rush & butterflies & hurry but truly,
we all want to be loved in detail.

a love which doesn’t just recognise
that you like sleeping early but
why you skip breakfast on tuesdays
why you like your books arranged by colour

i envision, we all want to be loved softly,
in phases, where you read the colours of
their face, slowly with shades of millions of
sentiments

you understand the tender places their
rough edges grow from, you feel that
your story is written like a soft epilogue

we think, all we want is a love that spills
on us with ease and with sudden realisation
when in real, a hurried love leaves leaks with
the sheer abruptness of it

the intricacy of being translated and
being felt like moonlight on their face
that’s the tangled library of love for me
that’s the multi dimensional language
of love for me, to be loved in detail.

i may be wrong, but i believe
when the sun goes down and
you surrender to your lover,
you want to be asked
what did you feel throughout the day?
what thoughts passed your mind?
did the coffee taste right today?
how did taking a new decision feel?

and not just
what did you do?

in the beginning,
the middle
& the end
you yearn to be known,
and not just talked to.

-g by @gorika.x

131

15

3 years ago

being held is a priceless aching my heart would be ready to have, (always?)

-g

📷: pinterest bestie
✍🏼: 🙋🏻‍♀️ by @gorika.x

120

8

3 years ago

bubble-wrapped safe.

if there’s anything i search my soul for

it’s our conversations and tales
which felt like a freshly typed
poem taken out from a typewriter

it’s figuring out how you got me intensely
ensnared to your soft black eyes which
do not by the way fool around with the
gorgeous & gigantic eye-lashes

i’d scratch out the surface to find the
map to the distance and aching which
I feel in my chest right now, i dig and
dig to find out, us, once a single walnut
are now 223 kilometres away

the more i dig, i find the scattered pieces
of poems you wrote for me, which still
somehow amidst all the havoc feel
like rumi’s breath in my immensely
shattered library of love

i step back from a love which felt
bubble-wrapped safe to me ‘cause
in some way the warmth became heat
and stuck up my neck,
making it hard to breathe

i spend my days subtrist, suppressing
all the damage under our carpet of dead
promises and half-alive passion, for which
we often take the road of disregard

it’s like the favourite bookmarked page of
my book of life is soaked wet with my infinite
fears and tears, and the sonnets of my trail
of hopes and desires are near a dead-end

i throw up in vulnerability in my journal,
and keep writing how my sanity feels
like a batch of fresh roses thrown into the
garbage with millions of my submerged
sentiments

after everything, i can’t find the end of
this poem, just like i have been pretty bad
at finding one for us it’s a constant struggle
to catch up to the 223 which keeps adding up,

but my heart, my soul, my solace,
my sanity, that my dear, i surrendered
to you long back

guess that’s how i felt bubble wrapped safe
and in a dainty clumsy way, i end up
finding my way back by getting a little more lost.

-g by @gorika.x

107

20

3 years ago

my prayers are changed
my fearful smile is audacious
my incomplete tasks are still pending
my feeling lost is as active as ever.
my anxiety for, if this isn’t good enough prevails.

~ a lot of first, last, middle lines of “my thoughts” in the past few whatever from my dear dear notes. by @gorika.x

99

7

3 years ago

another untitled sad poem~

a whole world view of us in
the back of my mind
a sorrowful hue of us in
the back of my mind
a kept away touch of us
in the back of my mind

a kiss in the rush of traffic of us
in back of my mind
an untangling evening of feelings of us
in the back of my mind
a runaway scare scene of us
in the back of my mind

(sigh)

we look like we’ve never had our
hands not fit into each others perfectly
we look like we’ve never had a tear fall too soon in the awful delay of events
we look like we’ve never kept a part of
ours from each other willingly
we look like we’ve never had our hurt
feet turn away from each other in moments
we look like we’ve never not shared
a story of love heartbreakingly
we look like this, and we look like that

and,
i have them believe that
but,

we look like us, but from the back of my mind
we look like that, from every inch of my mind

but
we look like this,

dusty intertwined palms
with messed up chaotic rough edges
which cannot unwind,
it cannot for a sight of, even you,
makes my heart intertwine w yours

because now, it’s not “hearts”

but a heart of you and a heart of me and it takes me to a place where i can see no one from beneath.

-g by @gorika.x

114

21

4 years ago

Going to art festivals 🤝 My kinda love language

#urbanartfestival #mumbai #flowers #colours #reels #reelsinstagram #explore #fyp by @gorika.x

853

20

4 years ago

my heart is like a big water body, motionless but such a cluttered canvas submerging into a purple sky with hints of peach and red.

-g

#beach #mumbaibeach #purpleskies by @gorika.x

120

10

4 years ago