Instagram story viewer> @negin_cheleh> Posts

Negin Cheleh | Grief Disruptor

@negin_cheleh

6.5K

followers

1139

following

Founder, @mypathpal + @pathpalgriefsummit
Survivor turned advocate. I built what would’ve saved me.
🎙️ Host, @gafo_pod

POSTS STORIES REELS TAGGED

My first concert was the Smashing Pumpkins. Then they played “Disarm.” 😭

“I used to be a little boy, so old in my shoes”

A childhood taken too early by abuse, violence, trauma, sung out loud by thousands of people.

I found myself standing. I could feel the bass in my soul. Its frequency began to regulate me, almost steadying the rhythm of my heart, and it was like he was singing straight to me.

Then I looked around. The whole crowd was singing it together, like a chant for every soul who has ever been abused.

We talk about rave culture. But do we talk about alternative and rock? Music that was made for the forgotten. For the deep souls. For the ones who needed someone to say: I see you. That music and those lyrics saved my life.

This past year has given me so many moments my 15-year-old self wished for. I’m not angry I missed out. I’m here now, and I brought her with me.

Every one of us has a song like that. A little speaker pointed straight at the soul.

What’s yours?

#SmashingPumpkins
#Disarm
#MusicHeals
#SurvivorStories by @negin_cheleh

3

52

10 days ago

We FCKING did it ❤️‍🔥🫶🏼🚀🥹

To every single person who listened to this dream and cheered me on from the sidelines, and to each of you who knew how hard this journey has been, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking by my side, for letting me lean on you, and for pushing me when I didn’t know if I could keep going. It takes a village. It takes a Pal. It takes a Pathpal to help carry each of us forward.

I’m living a surreal life right now. There’s a ton of pressure, but pressure in a startup is a privilege.
I’ll share details soon on how individuals, not just employers- will have access to @mypathpal.

Thank you so much ❤️ by @negin_cheleh

3

68

3 months ago

Behind this photo are so many emotions, thoughts, and decisions running through my mind.

If you’re sitting in a hard moment right now, scrolling, seeing this photo or my posts lately and thinking “wow, she’s having the best time,” please read this..even in the moments I’m experiencing joy, I’m also experiencing life. All of it. The good days, the bad days, the highs, and the lows you can’t even imagine.

Imposter syndrome. ADHD. Depression. Manic states. Anxiety. PTSD. I live with all of it.

I can be standing in the most beautiful place in the world, surrounded by the most incredible people, and in a single moment feel completely and immensely sad. That’s my life. That’s my reality.

So if you’re going through this too, please know you are normal. Side effects of trauma are absolutely real and they show up even decades after the incidents. You are not the only one. Trust me, this is my life’s work.

Joy and pain can exist in the same moment. Feeling both doesn’t mean you’re failing at life. Or need to fixate on how to fix yourself in that moment. It means you’re living it. All of life, and that’s what you’re supposed to be doing. Don’t be hard on yourself.

And most importantly, don’t wait until you feel “fixed” to go after the life you want. I didn’t, because there is nothing to fix. I’m not the things that were done to me. I’m building my life with all of this in tow, one hard day and one beautiful day at a time.

And if today is one of the heavy ones, reach out. Text a friend. Call someone. Talk to a professional. Asking for help isn’t weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you’ll ever do. If you’re reading this and you haven’t checked on a friend in a while, don’t rely on social media to see if they’re okay. A photo is just, a photo.

I see you. I’m one of you. Keep going.

#traumarecovery #selfmade #healingjourney #griefjourney #recovery by @negin_cheleh

3

16

2 days ago

Behi! I adore you ❤️ Meeting @behishafiei felt like meeting an old friend. She’s incredible and talented, an expert in Tax-first wealth management and a trailblazer, but, what moves me most is that she is a good human being, first.

Like me, Behi is an Iranian woman. And as Iranian women, we carry something that doesn’t need to be explained between us: the grief, the pride, the weight of every sister back home who is still fighting to be free.
Behi’s sister gave her life fighting for women’s rights in Iran. In the face of that loss, Behi did something extraordinary. She adopted her sister’s two children, brought them to Canada, and began rebuilding a life from the ground up. She raises them with love while holding a grief most people could never imagine, and still she creates, still she advocates, still she rises.
She lives in memory of those who no longer have a voice. And then she does the most important thing: she acts.

The beauty of it all? Through her life, she understands mine. Without many words, we are made of the same type of resilience.

We talk a lot about women’s empowerment. This is what it actually looks like.

It looks like two Iranian women meeting only a few times and knowing our souls speak the same language, in Farsi and beyond it. It looks like choosing, on purpose, to lift each other up. And it looks like recognizing that we now stand in more fortunate places than so many of our sisters, and deciding to use that privilege to create waves for those who can’t yet make their own.

Behi, thank you for your strength, your softness, and your fire 🔥. I’m honoured to call you a friend.

#IranianWomen #PersianWomen #GriefJourney #WomenEmpowerment #WomenSupportingWomen by @negin_cheleh

3

9

3 days ago

When you’ve been r*ped, when you’ve been abused for more than half your life, you don’t just lose a moment. You lose your sense of safety, your sense of self, and sometimes for the rest of your life. Shame moves in and tries to convince you it belongs there. Loving yourself after that isn’t a cute self-care trend. It’s a battle. Some days it’s a war.

So to arrive here, in my mid-40s, finally believing I am enough? That’s not small. That’s a gift. That’s a miracle I built with my own two hands.

But I fully acknowledge I didn’t build it alone. 🤍 To the people who walked beside me this year, who taught me to lean into self-love, who reminded me (again and again, until I finally believed it) that I am good enough exactly as I am: thank you. You held up a mirror until I could see what you saw.

Let’s normalize this. Let’s normalize being proud of ourselves. Let’s normalize choosing ourselves, out loud, without apology.

Healing isn’t linear. Self-love isn’t selfish. And it is never, ever too late.

I’m still here. I’m still rising. And this year, I’m thankful for me. 🧡

#Smashingpumpkins #SelfLove #Survivorstrong #HealingJourney #YouAreEnough by @negin_cheleh

3

21

5 days ago

They tell you to fill the cup. They ask if it’s half full or half empty, as if there were only one.
No one tells you there are two.
One for the good. One for the bad. And the bad one never empties itself.
Joy does not spill over. It does not run down the side and thin what sits in the other. They stand together on the same table, and neither one reaches across.
If it ever did, then the bad was never that bad, and the good was never that good.
Because pain ends in the body and stays everywhere else. It leaves footprints. It rewires the brain, teaches the nerves a new language they never forget.
Joy doesn’t live that way. It visits. It is real, and it is light, and it leaves no mark on the floor.
And here is what no one warns you about, the more joy I am given, the more I grieve.
Every good thing arrives carrying a question. How long was this possible? How much of it did I miss?
I hold it and I think of all the years I went without, of who I might have been if this had come first.
So the only thing that crosses over goes the wrong way. Even the good cup pours a little into the bad.
And I carry both. One in each hand, and no one asks how heavy.
It isn’t fair. I didn’t pour the bad one. I am only the one who has to hold it.
And I am tired. Tired in my wrists, tired in the years.
I would like to put one down. Just one. Just for a while.
Or let me switch them. Let joy be the one that stays, the one that leaves the footprints, and let the pain be the visitor who doesn’t know my name.

NC.

#smashingpumpkins #mentalhealthawareness #survivorstory #musicheals #grief by @negin_cheleh

3

19

7 days ago

🎶 “Edin” The Smashing Pumpkins, yes I’m going to be talking about this for awhile…get comfy.

There’s a part of this song about paying a toll to leave, or paying to stay.

Fck, here I am, I paid a toll for something I never opted into. Let that sink in.

Decades of abuse from the people who were supposed to love me and care for me. Every one of them. I call them what they are….traitors.

I left. And everyone thinks leaving is the happy ending. It isn’t. After I got out, I felt like a complete waste away. I was almost 30, looking back at an entire life that felt like a complete waste. Decades I can’t get back. Decades of opportunity, memories, moments that belonged to me, that I don’t get a chance at.

That’s a grief nobody talks about. Not grieving them. Grieving me. The years, the kid I was, the person I might have been if someone had just been safe. And I’m okay to say this, I could have accomplished so many things, I could have met Jason sooner, I could have completed my degrees, I could have enjoyed being a mother, I could have, I don’t know, NOT been r*ped and abused. I could have lived more, that’s the saddest part.

So me now, in a crowd, hearing this song live, living a literal first. Reworking my nervous system and my brain. Learning that my life wasn’t the waste. What was done to it was.

If you got out and it still hurts, you’re not doing it wrong. Leaving is the beginning of the grief, and the beginning of you. 🤘

I’ve got you, my community 🫶🏼

#smashingpumpkins #edin #survivorstories #grief #musicheals by @negin_cheleh

3

13

9 days ago

#1979 🫶🏼🎃 by @negin_cheleh

71

0

10 days ago

No coincidences. 🐘

Of all the walls in all the offices, mine got the elephant. It is literally the entire back wall.

The elephant stands for memory, wisdom, and strength. It’s the remover of obstacles, and one of the few animals that mourns its dead and never forgets them.

I get it, Universe. 🫶🏼💫

Grief is the elephant in the room.
Spirit has a sense of humour. I have a purpose. And I’ve never been more in touch with who I am or more sure of what I’m here to do.

What has the universe been trying to tell you? Everyone has an elephant. Most people spend years walking around it. Ready to stop?

#nocoincidences #grief #griefsupport #purposework #spiritualawakening by @negin_cheleh

3

6

11 days ago

Honestly, I am kind of actually screaming. I’m SO beyond excited and proud of our team. We are bringing whole person care, modern health tech and mental wellbeing into the conversation unlike anything else in the industry. If you haven’t already, please sign up for pathpal, let the platform change your wellbeing approach, it’s more than a platform for grief; it’s a proactive approach to conditioning your mind, to preparing and maintaining your mental health. Not just in a crisis. Sleep paths, meditation, resources, lives, and community. It is a dream ecosystem of care, I now have what I’ve always needed.

DM me for info. Follow @mypathpal it’s a beautiful place.

#mentalwellbeing #mentalhealthsupport #workshops #mindfulness by @negin_cheleh

3

17

11 days ago

I lost someone who had a profound impact on my life. She came into it at a vulnerable time. She was the first person in my adult life I ever told about my history of trauma, and the first woman who ever became an advocate for me.

What makes this grief complex is how things were left. We had an encounter that was uncomfortable for both of us. It was nothing horrible, just a misunderstanding about a project, through someone else. Instead of leaning in with confidence to talk it through, I got scared and stayed quiet, the way I often did years ago. A trauma response doesn’t make it easy to reach out. I get scared of confrontation and freeze.

In my mind, I assumed it would work itself out. Then life got busy, and things between us just became still.

She passed away 3 days ago 💔

When I heard, I felt like I couldn’t move. It’s like when you feel a sneeze coming and it gets stuck, except with tears and deep regret. I loved her, and I will always love her, for opening my eyes to grief in all its forms, for her honesty, her ability to love humans judgement free, her laugh, to the way she trusted the universe and encouraged me to do so. I don’t even know if she knew how much she meant to me. And now, I mourn her, the friendship we didn’t get to continue, and the message I never sent, “I’m sorry about this, let’s talk.”

The details of what happened don’t matter anymore. That’s my whole point. They never really do. I could have handled it differently, but I got scared.

So here’s a reminder- text the person. Make the phone call. Send the email. Let things go. They aren’t that important. Just say your truth and work things out or at least try to.

Sass, I’ll never forget the profound impact your friendship had on my life. I love you always, and I’m sorry. by @negin_cheleh

3

18

12 days ago

I was 13 the first time someone took something from me that I never got back.

R*pe and domestic violence have been the cornerstone of my life. I found a way through. But not a day passes that I don’t remember being violated, and it changed everything.

It changed how I shake hands. How I feel in a movie theatre, sitting in the dark with a stranger behind me. How I feel walking alone. How I hug a friend on a harder day. It decides my route home, how I navigate a meeting, the places I’ll go and the ones I won’t. It’s how I think. It’s how I feel. It became me.

I will never know what it’s like to be touched without some deeper part of my mind, even for a second, being afraid. I was robbed of that at 13.

I’ve been fortunate. I was able to do something with it. But I am so aware of how many don’t, and how many can’t. The ones we’ve lost. The ones still living with a partner who r*pes them, in a home where it gets called a marriage instead of a crime.

I’ve been watching the Cornell case, I don’t know her, but I know that fight.

And it’s bigger than one case. Real health education, Frat house culture, locker room talk, the “boys will be boys” shrug…ALL of it has to shift.

To the men- this part is yours.

You are in rooms I will never be in. The rooms where women are talked about. The group chats where the jokes get made. Even if you think it’s only a joke, correct it. Those jokes have become so easy to make that they stick, and what sticks becomes what’s allowed.

This month, I’m asking men to join the conversation. And to the ones who already understand the mission: step up.

Don’t know where to start? Start with the accounts I’ve tagged.

#DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth
#SurvivorStories
#BelieveSurvivors
#EndRapeCulture by @negin_cheleh

3

14

14 days ago