Brittany Bohacik | Traveling Through Grief

The Fourth of July was always your favorite weekend of the year.

You would have loved that it fell on a long weekend this year. I can picture it so clearly… you making your famous ribs, getting the pool ready, texting friends, setting up chairs in the driveway, and staying outside until way too late watching the kids run around with sparklers.

You loved everything about this weekend.

I’ve already walked through so many hard firsts without you—my birthday, Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day—and somehow this one hit me differently.

Yesterday, I could barely drive to the party we’ve gone to for years. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to go. It wasn’t because I was scared.

It was because reality punched me in the face all over again.

You’re really not going to be there.

I hadn’t felt that kind of panic in a long time. The tears just kept coming. But good friends got me through those doors, and I’m so thankful they did.

Because once we got there, me and Ava had such a beautiful night.

Watching her laugh and run around with the other kids, seeing her so vibrant and happy… it did something to my heart. She carries a strength that amazes me every single day. More than once, she looked at me and said, “It’s going to be okay, Mom. It’s going to be okay.”

And somehow, I believed her.

I’m so glad we didn’t let grief keep us home. Even when reality was hitting us hard… even when our hearts were aching for our number one guy… we still showed up.

That’s what grief is, I think.

Learning how to carry heartbreak and beautiful moments in the very same hand.

Missing you terribly while still finding reasons to smile.

And last night, I know you would have loved every second of it.