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Rasha's PhD Pensieve

@thephdpensieve

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Complexity Science & ML PhD student
A burnt out PhD girl
Sharing the messy journey💜
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I disappeared once. I don't want to disappear again.

Not from my PhD.
Not from this space.
And, more importantly, not from myself.

So this time, I'm trying to stay. Even when showing up feels harder than I ever thought. Even when I'm not doing much. Even when I don't know what to say.

If you're somewhere in this loop too, my DMs are open. You don't have to have the right words. Because I don't either. Tell me your story, ask me something, or just say hi.
(I might be slow to respond. But I'll be here.)

This is just a self-reminder that burnout recovery is not linear and it takes a lot more than just rest. But here I am, trying.
Still holding on. 🤍 by @thephdpensieve

There is something insanely beautiful about persistence.

About choosing yourself over perfection.
About starting again.
About asking for help.
About coming back after you've convinced yourself it's too late.
About never letting go of the vision even when you're too burntout.

And that kind of persistence is... chic ;) by @thephdpensieve

To the PhD student who has been hiding,

The ones who's been acting like it's all alright, but always one question away from crying...

The ones who lost their academic spark and feel like no one else gets your pain...

The ones who avoid their work because it just feels too much...

You are not the only one! 🫂

I'm a 6th year PhD student who disappeared for almost 1.5 years. Burnt out, depressed, couldn't open my laptop. Hid from my lab, my supervisor, my work - and still smiled through every "how's the PhD going?" conversation, while feeling empty inside.

I haven't figured it out yet either. I'm not writing this from the other side.
I'm writing this from the middle of it - just far enough to finally see what happened to me.

This page is for the version of you that you don't show in lab meetings.

And tell me in the comments or in my DMs - let's make this a place for the conversations we usually keep to ourselves. ❤️‍🩹

I'm here. I'm reading. You're not alone.

(and hello!! to all my new followers 🫶🏼) by @thephdpensieve

Hi, I'm Tired 🫩

And you are?
tell me you're a PhD student without telling me. Gifs are welcome too! by @thephdpensieve

Being a PhD student makes your struggles invisible for two reasons.

One, academia glorifies overwork and silently supports 'publish or perish' culture. Majority of supervisors don't care about mental health, and often make students feel small for struggling.

Two, the people around us, friends and family, put us on a pedestal. If you're doing a PhD, you're brilliant and need not help, that you got it all. They don't know. And we feel like we're letting them down if we struggle.

And so we, the PhD students, hide our struggles and disappear. 💔

I'm a 6th year PhD student, who disappeared from her PhD for almost two years. I was burnt out, depressed and couldn't even open my laptop for months. I hid away and didn't go to my lab for 1.5 years. Not a single inch of progress.

So if you are going through this, I get you. I know how you feel ❤️

This is a safe space for ranting, venting and for sharing the grief - and to remember you're not the only one struggling 🫂 by @thephdpensieve

I didn't quit my PhD. BUT - - the many times I thought about it, it was because of these very things.

Sometimes, it's not the PhD. It's everything around it. People don't always want to leave research. That's something that pulled us in, made us feel excited and thrilled. And also frustrated and cry over failed experiments. But that's not often the reason that makes us want to quit the PhD.
It's often the circumstances that made research so hard.

I know a lot of you share this feeling. What were your reaons to quit (or even just think about quitting)? by @thephdpensieve

I'm not where I wanted to be. It hurts.

In 2023, I was sure I'd be finishing my PhD in the next year and will be a postdoc soon. But it's 2026 now and I still am working on my PhD. It is most likely going to extend to 2027. I never thought I'd be taking that long.

This story is not going to end on a hopeful note or a motivation. It's just me grieving the dream I lost to my mental health and unsupportive work environment. It's just me comforting myself.

It's brave. But it's goddamn tough to accept.🫂

To every other PhDs who are grieveing their lost dreams, this is for you. This space is for you to say it out loud without anyone else trying to cheer you up. ❤️ by @thephdpensieve

Honestly, my last post and the comments and DM's to that made me realize how many of are carrying the same thoughts. Quietly, in isolation, invisiblly.

I wanted to scream "OMG exactly!!!" at all of them. And you guys did too. So here are more of those, that came from you in the comments of my last post.

We don't need a silver lining or a reminder that everything will work out.
Sometimes we just need somewhere to say the thing we've been holding in.

So this is your space to say it.

No fixing. No judgement. No motivational statements.
Just validation, support, and a reminder that you're probably not the only one feeling this way. 🫂

So let's go. What's something you've wanted to say (or scream at the top of your lungs) about your PhD, but usually don't? by @thephdpensieve

We don't always need solutions.
Maybe sometimes we just need somewhere to say it.
Maybe we just need to say that without fixing ourselves.

This is your space for exactly that.

No motivational statements. Only validation and support! ♥️

So tell me, what's something you've wanted to say (or scream at the top of your lungs) but usually don't? by @thephdpensieve

I just realized my mind has been lying to me. Making up rules for me!

I've been trying to get out of this slump for four weeks now. And I just couldn't get myself to work.

I usually go into a freeze state and avoid thinking about my work at all - because that had felt safer than sitting back at my desk and confronting my code. But this time I did something surprising. I noticed. I paused and noted.

Just because I was not working, I was also not allowing myself to do anything else.
🍝 eating a delicious fancy meal? allowed only if I worked hard on my manuscript.
🎨 making art or going to a park? only after I finish generating all the figures.
🧖🏻‍♀️ Relaxing or at least, resting? only if you're guilty while doing so.

Once I noticed this thought, I was kinda shocked. Because I had been *truly* believing in all these!!! I think I still do. It's not easy to change these 2-year old thoughts in a weekend, right?

So I sat down and wrote what else my brain has made up. What burnout, academic toxicity and years of feeling behind has done to my brain.

And I wrote them as reminders for this week as I'm going to try, once again, to get back to working on my manuscript.

If this resonated with you, then maybe this is a sign to recognize what YOUR brain has been telling you!

What is something you've started believing about yourself because of burnout, academia, or simply being exhausted for too long?
Maybe we can unlearn some of these rules together. ❤️‍🩹 by @thephdpensieve

Every time I read "PhD is not a sprint, it's a marathon", I always think "It feels like a long, solo trek where I often feel like I'm not even physically fit to endure this" and also that it's incredibly lonely, unlike a marathon where you have other runners with you.

It's been an incredibly, unexpectedly difficult trek for me - that's to say the least 😵‍💫😄

How are your treks going? by @thephdpensieve

Self-care isn't always a meditation app and an early bedtime.

Sometimes it's retail therapy and a face mask because you just needed something that made you feel a little bit like yourself again.

Sometimes it's doing something today so that tomorrow-you has a slightly easier day.

And sometimes, after spending a very long time running away from the thing you're afraid of, self-care is slowly, gently finding your way back to it.

For those of us who have been hiding from our PhDs for a while... maybe, at some point, going back to it can become a part of healing too.🤍

If you're going through a tough phase in your PhD right now, tell me:
what's one tiny thing you're doing to take care of yourself these days? 🫂

And if you've made it through burnout, I want to know your weirdest, most unexpected self-care acts. 🫶🏼
Drop them below. Let's make a little list for the rest of us. ✨

Happy 24/7! 😁 (pun intended) by @thephdpensieve