Jami Cakes

I wrote this song while navigating the complexities of heartbreak, in between the utter beauty that is the life you get back when you let go of the past. I’ve given huge pieces of myself to every relationship I’ve been in, losing chunks of me, while saying loudly that I’ll never do that again after each one, and repeating the pattern. It happens less and less but yet I melt into what they need more than what I need til I’m but a shell of myself. I suppose I should actually hold myself accountable to never do that again. I always say I won’t. Compromise is different from giving your entire self up. I’m still navigating the heartbreak of the idea of what was and what would be. I think to an extent we always are, even in utter happiness. But the clawing of my heart and drifting of my thoughts that happens at moments I least expect, memories of moments I thought were one way and now reanalyze to remember how unnecessarily upsetting they were, puts it all into perspective to how little I made myself to be another version that would never make either of us feel whole. At the end of the day I wanna frolic in a field and roll down it with ease and joy, holding on to someone who loves me and all of my chaotic silly ridiculous self, instead of constantly feeling like I’m on a forever uphill climb.
PS please excuse my mediocre playing, I’m still learning.